Dependent on the Dependency

When suffering with mental health and addiction, when do you say enough is enough? Is it when you have isolated yourself from the world. Is it when you can no longer manage a normal day alone with yourself? Or is it when you can no longer stop crying that you numb yourself with drugs to the point of being back to a healthy weight, or wait... being underweight now.

We have all the resources we need, we know where they are and where to reach out for them, so why don't we? We are scared. Bottom line. We as humans with concerning issues are scared to reach out for help because we don't want to be shunned from society, we don't want to be ignored by our loved ones and we don't want to lose our friends, the people that have been closest to us all along without ever pointing a finger because we as humans haven't gained the courage to speak up and tell it how it is. I will speak up and tell it how it is!

They say it will get better, they say sit down and read a book, they say go for a walk, or join a club. Sure!!...I'll hop right on that...mental illness is not something that will just VANISH because we change our daily schedules, addiction will not end because we choose to go to church one day thinking God will take away the urge to want to numb the pain with chemicals.

The harsh reality is being a drug addict is near impossible to live with but at the same time we manage to live with it every day. It's impossible because as each day ends and passes by we don't know how much more we can handle. We want it all to end, we want the thoughts of death to stop, but we keep pushing forward because we think, what would people think if we just ended it all. They would be disappointed, ashamed, blame themselves and we don't want them to feel that way so we suffer in silence.

Being a drug addict and being in a relationship has got to be one of the most heart wrenching experiences I have had to face. Drug addicts are selfish, we care only for our selves and we cant see what is on the other side because to us, there is no other side. In any relationship we need to be selfish at some time or another. How can a person who knows only the drug dedicate their life to another person who also knows only the drug? I am talking about two people who are in a relationship together but are both individually dependent on drugs. It doesn't work.

Your life is the most important thing you have. We try try try but it never seem to be enough. We hold on so long but what are we really holding on to? We are holding on to the feeling of hopefulness that things will get better. We hope that we can manage this addiction on our own, we hope that the feelings will fade, that one day we will wake up, look in the mirror and see the smile on our face that we have been waiting for, for so long.

Addiction is not young, dumb, and broke. It is lies, deception, and lack of commitment. We have so much to live for yet but all we see is what is right in front of us, we live day by day, moments at a time. We do not see the future, we only know the present. The now feelings, there is no such thing as tomorrow because tomorrow doesn't exist in our heads.