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Find Your Battle Buddy

Because depression SUCKS.

By Ashley BonePublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Before I begin let me start off by saying depression sucks! Anxiety sucks! "Invisible illnesses" SUCK!Ok I think you get my point now. So what the hell am I doing here? Simple. I want to help others who battle the ups and downs of daily life. Their struggles are not going to single them out. Everyone struggles. Even if you haven't officially been diagnosed with something. Struggle is everywhere; some are just better at hiding it than others.The past month and a half or so I was switched medications (again) for my anxiety, depression, and fibromyalgia. At first let me tell you, THEY SUCKED! I felt like a zombie. Almost drooling on myself and not talking to anyone. Zoning out. Just BLAH. The overall feeling of being numb from head to toe. But after about 3 weeks of taking my medications like I should, I began to feel so much better. I tell you this because I have been that person who hated meds and would not take them religiously. Thought they didn't work. Well the truth is that I didn't let them work. This time I have one of those medicine container things with the days and times. I refill it every Saturday night for the whole week. Sorry, off on a tangent. But I began to feel BETTER. Now, as someone who has struggled on and off with depression for 17 years, feeling "better" is not 100% - even 10% better is better than 2% and that's where I am at now. I am about 10% better than I was a month and a half ago.A month and a half ago I hated life. I wore a smile for my children and coworkers and boyfriend just to make sure they didn't feel the same way as me. And of course to mask my true feelings. I don't cry often but damn when I do, it pours out. There are times I would be driving home from grocery shopping and out of nowhere I'm bawling my eyes out. Just crying hysterically. Wondering what the hell I'm doing here...Hell I even took a picture and posted it on my Facebook.

A month and a half ago my depression was pretty far down in the hole. It comes and goes but I've never escaped the hole I'll tell you that! The hole a month and a half ago was so far down that I honestly couldn't see the top anymore. Now though, I have a ladder! Ok, more like a rope that someone tossed down but still - SOMETHING to grab onto finally! I feel as though this rope that has been thrown my way, if tied correctly around myself, can honestly help me escape! I was feeling so good!Then comes November 4th, 2017. A friend and old co-worker of mine who had been battling depression and suicidal attempts for years finally took his life and it hit me hard. I thought "Will I ever get that far down in this hole that I give up?". Like seriously, how do I know that that won't be me?! I don't and to be honest, that shit scares me more than you could ever know.Battling depression is not easy; and watching a friend battle it too just feels even worse. I think it is because you know how it feels so you never want anyone else to feel that way either. I bring this up because my boyfriend also battles with depression every now and then. We both have our ups and downs and what is nice is that if one of us is down, we know how to bring each other out of the holes we feel trapped in. We are constantly there for each other no matter how deep we get. Hell even if we are both depressed we sit there trying to lift each other up. It isn't easy but having someone there for you that is going through the same thing is seriously a lifesaver!If you, yes you, are also battling depression, seriously, find a "battle buddy". Become each other's backbones when you are down. Listen to each other! Or just sit next to one another and breathe. However the two of you can help each other out is amazing. So go find your battle buddy. And if you can't find one or don't have one, reach out to a therapist, a family member, or even a suicide hotline. Hell even an old notebook you can write in is better than keeping that shit bottled up inside you.LET IT OUT! Find your outlet and embrace it!

Now although this may LOOK happy...

It is also the mask I wear most days.

depression
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About the Creator

Ashley Bone

Just your average 30 year old mother fighting depression, anxiety, and other invisible illnesses.

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