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How I Know When My Depression Comes To Visit

As someone who's lived with depression for about six years now, I've become aware of when it's about to strike and when it goes into hibernation.

By Jenna ConleyPublished 7 years ago 3 min read
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Depression has become part of my life, part of who I am. Honestly, I wouldn't trade it for the world because I don't know any other way to live. It has its downfalls, naturally, but through my grandpa's death (when my depression started), high school bullies, and the trials and tribulations of college, I've come to know when my depression is getting bad and when it's calming down.

I keep my hair in a bun and don't brush it for days. Of course, I shower and wash my hair and body, but I don't always put it in a nice updo or straighten it or anything of the sort. It just feels like too much of an effort some days.

I don't put makeup on for literal months. Although my skin is much healthier when I skip out on the makeup for such a long time, I kind of look like a troll sometimes. I wear the bare minimum when it comes to makeup; winged eyeliner, mascara, and foundation is the furthest I'm willing to go. But sometimes, even that is too much for me.

I hardly get out of bed. When I'm not busy with friends, family, work, etc., I stay locked up in my room, looking through the same apps on my phone and watching That '70s Show reruns. I want to get up and do something fun, but at the same time, I just want to lay here and watch the day waste away.

I get very angry and irritable easily when people dare to so much as talk to me. Most of the time, I just want to be left alone. I don't want to do anything or talk to a soul, no matter who they are. I just want to be alone.

I get lonely...a lot. I haven't been in a relationship in a couple years. Although I absolutely adore being single, sometimes I can't help but get sad when approached with the fact that it is possible that I will never find "the one". I've literally mentally prepared myself for this for the past few years. Yeah, it sounds pathetic, but you never know, right?

MAJOR writer's block. It may not seem like much, but as someone who has gone through the majority of her life constantly writing and rewriting stories of numerous genres, I get writer's block way too often. I won't write for weeks on end, stuck on the same sentence or paragraph and just going over it in my mind endlessly, feeling defeated.

I'm always tired, but I can hardly stay asleep at night. This is the most frequent of my "symptoms" and I deal with it a lot. Just the other night, I got a little over ten hours of sleep and I was absolutely exhausted at work. I don't know if this particularly has anything to do with my depression, but there's a good chance that it does.

I forget to do the most basic tasks. This includes feeding myself and going to the bathroom. When it's really bad, I even forget to grab my prescription from the pharmacy.

I know there are several more that I could put down, but I really can't think of them. Of course, I know that peoples "symptoms" of depression can differ from the ones I experience. I always read about the warning signs of depressive episodes and I just thought I should record what I go through. Some of these happen more than others, even when I'm feeling perfectly happy. They just kind of come out of nowhere. But I'm okay with it. It's just how I deal with things. I'm not hurting myself or anyone else and I DO take care of myself (when I remember to). I'm okay most of the time. And it's okay to not be okay. Just so long as you have ways of bringing yourself back to okay.

depression
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About the Creator

Jenna Conley

20 year old aspiring writer just testing the waters and trying to put my name out there. If you'd like to follow my blog, here's the link - https://cjenna221.wixsite.com/fulldisclosure

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