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Illness Anxiety & Parenting

Battling illness anxiety and being a parent is tough.

By Samantha LondoPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Source: Pixabay

“My tummy hurts,” My three-year-old will say. Panic mode sets in. For those of you who don’t have kids, sometimes that phrase turns into the whole house puking and pooping their brains out. It’s not fun. Sometimes they just say it for attention. For me and my lovely friend named anxiety, it always means the first option.

My brain works overdrive and I try to think of where he could have possibly picked up this demon that may rear it’s ugly head. In reality, I don’t take him out and socialize him enough, but he’s a good kid. He’s great with other kids, actually. He’s better with other people than I am. It’s times like these where I’m grateful he picked something up from his daddy; his unmatched kindness and need to make other people smile.

A lot of times, people don’t understand where this anxiety of mine manifests. I know exactly where. My head. I know exactly why. I suffered from a parasite infection for three months, spent 36 hours in the CCU at a hospital in Central Florida, only for them to tell me it was just stress. If you bastards had done your job, I wouldn’t have suffered for three months. I suffered two months longer because you didn’t want to do one simple test. One simple test that could have saved me from having to deal with half of the problems I have now. I now have anxiety and depression because I can’t live the normal life that I used to. Maybe, had this been discovered sooner, it wouldn’t change things, but it could have ended my suffering a lot faster.

All of this makes me suck as a mom. I’m afraid to take my son out because I’m afraid he’ll contract a stomach virus; I’m afraid that he will get sick. My immune system is already sucky now, so when he gets sick, I know I’ll get sick. It doesn’t matter how much I sanitize, wash my hands, and avoid being affectionate with him—I’ll get sick. I’m afraid to get sick because my mind automatically tells me I’m going to end up in the hospital, suffering again with a doctor not giving a flying rat's ass about my health. It’s not okay to feel that way, to feel as if I won’t get the medical care that I need. I suck as a parent because I don’t want to get sick, I don’t want to expose my son to all of these viruses and illnesses just to “make him stronger”. I hate seeing him suffer from an illness of any sort.

You’re probably thinking I’m a crazy. That’s okay. I kind of am, I guess. It’s not like I don’t take my son out, I just avoid it if I can. I don’t like getting sick. No one does, really. My anxiety just takes it to the extreme. I don’t want physical contact with you to speak of, especially if you’ve been sick lately. Call me overly cautious, I don’t care. My health and sanity are more important than that handshake or getting my son sick. Unless I know you, I won’t touch you. My anxiety forbids it.

New person + physical touch = illness (in my mind).

Until I know you really well, you’re sort of like a germ I don’t want. I’m sorry, I don’t mean offense by that. I’m sure you’re a great person, but the fear I have for illness overpowers my need to be overly-friendly. I hope this doesn’t mean you don’t want to be my friend. I promise I’ll warm up to you. I’m just a bit strange when it comes to certain things. I promise I want your kid to be my kid's friend, too. He's great, he's awesome, he's cool. The list goes on.

anxiety
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About the Creator

Samantha Londo

Sam. Mom. Wife. Student.

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