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Mental Illness: The Demons Within

Chapter 3: Bipolar

By Alyssa LactinPublished 6 years ago 9 min read
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The next illness that I suffer from is bipolar disorder. The symptoms of bi-polar are the same as depression but with bipolar, you have extreme highs and extreme lows and manic episodes. In addition to the symptoms of depression, symptoms of bipolar are inflated self-esteem or grandiosity, less need for sleep, talking more than usual or feeling pressure to keep talking, ideas or thoughts race through your mind, being easily distracted, unstable moods, feeling restless and increasing activities, having hallucinations, and having delusions.

The similarities to possession are very obvious, especially the hallucinations. There were many times I had hallucinations, I saw a giant snake in my room once and could see pictures and words in books, moving, as well as objects around me.

During one of my manic episodes, I played a jazz ringtone on my phone, on a loop and sat on the couch staring at the wall for what seemed like hours, before repeatedly slamming my head against the large ceramic antique elephant my parents bought me years ago.

I didn’t think about it at the time, but looking back now, if someone had walked in and saw me doing that, they would have thought I had been possessed by a demon or something. For me, it felt like I had been. Upbeat jazz music playing in the background while I was causing myself bodily harm, was quite an eerie experience and thinking about it even now, gives me chills. Despite the chilling event, I do still adore jazz music!

In my opinion, bipolar is one of the most dangerous of the mental illnesses and not for the reason you might think. I believe it to be more dangerous not because of the extreme lows, but because of the extreme highs. Very dangerous, unpredictable and spur-of-the-moment decisions are sometimes made while having an extreme high.

It also makes the lows even more extreme because one minute you feel like you are on top of the world and the next, your world is crashing down around you and you are powerless to stop it and you lose all hope. At least that’s how it was for me.

In the movie, The Conjuring 2, the little girl that was possessed said that she was so tired because she couldn’t sleep and she said she felt so alone. That was how I felt during my lows, it seemed like no one understood me or my pain and that I had no one to turn to and it’s terrifying to feel that way.

Back in the first chapter, when I talked about my suicide attempts I said it felt like I was in a room full of people, screaming for help, but no one could hear me, I think that pretty much sums up most, if not all, mental illnesses and even possession.

I have noticed through the research I have done, that in cases of possession there are times where the person who is possessed is their old self again and then almost instantly, they become a completely different person.

In The Conjuring 2, the young girl was her old self briefly, although a very drained and sick looking version. The film was changed for entertainment purposes but the film was based on a true story. The real story is not as severe as it was in the film but would still be difficult for those involved. I am sure that the young girl still had moments where she was seemingly a normal little girl and then suddenly under the control of the negative entity again.

With my bipolar, there were some moments where I was my old self again but mostly it was the extreme highs and extreme lows and those who know me well, knew that the highs were not my old self they knew it was my illness and that it wasn’t a good thing but if they tried to say anything I would get angry and/or defensive so there was nothing they could do except be there for me.

When a person who is bipolar is having an extreme high that is sometimes when they do things like stop taking their medication because they feel so good that they believe they are better and no longer need their medication they may also put themselves in danger unknowingly because their extremely high mood makes them feel braver or even invincible.

There are many causes of both bipolar and possession. I will start with the causes of mental illness.

There is no specific cause of depression, nor bipolar, that has been identified yet, but some possible causes are: heritable physiology (chemical imbalance in the brain), negative childhood experiences, traumatic events, medical conditions, childbirth, and alcohol or drug abuse. These are not all the possible causes, just the ones that seem to be the most common.

Though the two are very similar, some of the causes of possession are quite different from those of depression/bipolar.

Based on research I have done, the common causes of possession are: Ouija boards (this one is the most common and also the most dangerous), séances, haunted objects, haunted buildings, listening to recordings of paranormal phenomenon, researching the paranormal too much, using spells, chants or conjurations, worshipping evil entities and demons.

There are many other possible causes but again, these are the main ones I have noticed in my research. I strongly advise that you avoid all of these things if possible especially if you have any kind of mental illness, as those make you more vulnerable to the paranormal and the possibility of possession.

If your curiosity gets the best of you and you want to attempt any of the things I have mentioned, please have someone with you who knows what they are doing and can help if things go wrong. It is very dangerous to mess with the paranormal when you have no clue what you are doing. But again, I do not recommend attempting any of those things (except research as long as you are careful).

Should you decide to do research, don’t let it consume you, only research a little at a time and try not to do research alone. I have been fascinated by the paranormal since I was about 9/10 and still am and I am 29 now. So in all those years I have done quite a lot of research and have had many experiences and even then I still am very cautious because I know the dangers.

I have abilities that very few people possess and that, along with my mental illnesses, make me very vulnerable to the paranormal but my knowledge of it is what protects me I think.

If you do not believe in the paranormal you should still be cautious if you attempt anything that is paranormal related because whether you believe or not, it doesn’t change the fact that there are things out there that you do not understand or even know about and not believing does not make you immune to possession or other paranormal experiences. In fact, it may entice spirits or demons to possess you or cause you harm to show you that they are here.

For those who do believe in the paranormal, you are not a freak or weird, you are different but in a good way and if people say cruel things to you about your fascination or belief in the paranormal/occult, it is because they do not understand or because it frightens them. The problem is them not you, just remember that.

Also, remember that you are not alone, there are millions out there who believe in the same things and would welcome you with open arms. If you have Facebook, join as many paranormal/occult groups as you can (but make sure the members are kind and caring people, good people that can help you and guide you, if a group gives you a bad vibe, leave it) These groups allow you to talk about experiences you may have had and ask questions about things that interest you without judgement.

Some of the people I know, are not believers in the paranormal or occult or they believe but it frightens them or think it’s a sin and evil to have anything to do with it, so I am careful who I talk to about these things and found that joining groups where I can talk about my experiences in a safe and judgement free environment was very helpful and comforting and I felt like I belonged.

Like the paranormal, you must be very careful with things you do because they can trigger a mental illness. If something gives you a bad feeling, chances are, it is a trigger for you so try to avoid it in the future if you can. If you have to cut ties with certain people, find a different job or avoid certain activities with people, it’s okay, your health and happiness is more important and if people don’t understand that then they are not people you need in your life.

Never apologize or feel guilty for doing what’s best for you. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first and taking care of you especially if you suffer from mental illness.

Do not let people make you feel like there is something wrong with you, because there isn’t. There is something wrong with your brain, not you. You are not a bad person; you are a good person that bad things have happened to and a good person who is fighting a daily battle. If people are judging you it’s because they don’t know your journey, they don’t know what you go through every day, the struggle you constantly face. They don’t understand because they haven’t been there before, if they had then they wouldn’t judge you for it.

Facebook groups are also really good for finding people who understand your struggles, it is a great way to talk to people about what you are going through without being judged, it can also be very therapeutic and it shows you that you are not alone.

You may think that you are alone in this fight but you are not, there are so many others who are fighting the same battles as you or at least similar ones. They are your allies, they are people you can turn to for advice and support (however they are not experts and cannot give you professional help, you must go to the hospital, family doctor, psychiatrist or counselor for more in-depth and professional help)

Please remember that you are not your illness and you are not the person you become because of your illness, don’t ever let anyone tell you differently. It is possible to gain control of these mental illness demons that possess you, there is hope. You just have to keep fighting. Research your illness/illnesses learn about them, understand them better, find healthy ways to cope with them, find people who have the same illnesses or similar ones, someone you can talk to about your experiences, if you have questions, ask them!

I wish I had done more research on my illnesses when I was younger, perhaps it would have helped me to better understand what I was going through, I hope that writing this book can help others in that way.

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About the Creator

Alyssa Lactin

I am 29 years old. I love reading, writing and collecting antique books. I also enjoy singing and the outdoors. I hope to do some more writing in the future :) I am not a professional writer at all but I do enjoy it and hope to improve. :)

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