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Too often do people think that a narcissist is an overall annoyingly vain person. We misuse the word when talking about one of our "crazy exes". Well, this is true to some extent but no one talks about the emotional abuse that narcissistic people carry out to their partners.
Narcissism is a personality disorder, characteristics can be recognized by those close to the narcissist, but really it is diagnosed by a trained professional. As a result of the disorder being a part of a person's personality, there is no medication you can take to make someone stop being a jerk. Therapy can allow the narcissist to become aware of his or her actions, and influence them to try and change their behavior but this definitely does not guarantee a dramatic personality change. I personally have never heard of a narc changing their controlling manipulative ways.
Remember that narcissism occurs on a spectrum, it could be a mild case where their actions don't affect you, but most often when these characteristics are recognized they are extreme and result in emotional abuse.
Sometimes you don't even recognize you're being abused by a narcissist.
- Lying!!! They lie to make it seem as though you have things in common. Narcicist will seem like the perfect person for you at first because they lie about their hobbies and interests to seem more interesting to you. They want the best image for themselves, so they'll tell you that they can do any and everything, better than anyone. Soon you may find out that what their saying isn't entirely true, and that they are not so wise. They pathologically lie so often it becomes unbelievable, connect the dots, you should ask questions when things don't add up just to hear their response. Speak with caution whilst doing this, you could trigger a fit of rage from them which leads me to the next point.
- They are very good at reading people, so they can manipulate them. Sometimes called gaslighting.
- They are easily angered/moody over the slightest disagreements because they think they're right about everything. The narcissist doesn't have a sense of individuality for other people, so if you have opposing views or opinions they will get into a fit of rage because they know everything right? It's a little scary. A narcissist will also accuse you of saying something you never said, which sometimes confuses you because you don't remember saying it, trust me you're not crazy they are making things up. The best way to handle an angry narc is to starve them. Not literally, but starve them of reactions. A narcissist uses your reaction of frustration or anger to their benefit, they want you to look crazy or that you're overacting. Walk away.
- Does not care about the consequences of their actions. No remorse for mistakes or misdeeds. It does not matter what happened, how badly their actions affect you, they don't care. They do not think they can be wrong no matter what. They will continue just as nothing happened. Maybe they will say sorry but don't be fooled, it's not a sincere apology.
- Their feelings are discussed, not the partners.
- They use threats or intimidations to keep others close to them or make their partner do what they want. My known narc would say, "I need a woman who will do/does..." very often, implying that if he was going to stay in my life I would have to do exactly what he says or he would lose interest and leave me. This is a way that narcs stay in control of what you do, you're not a slave.
- They use their past traumas as an excuse to why they act the way they do and don't make an effort to change their behavior. If they constantly remind you of their abusive childhood, life trauma etc. and use this as an excuse to why they hurt you this is a bad sign, do not be patient. If they wanted to change their ways, they would have done it already.
- You feel miserable with this person. This person drains you of your energy it seems.
- Has a good persona to impress and exploit others. They seem so perfect on the outside, almost like they actually don't have any flaws. Probably, has many admirers and people who look up to them as a role model. Initially, they can come off quite charming and charismatic, always knowing the right thing to say.
- People are to be manipulated for their needs.
- Lacks the ability to see how he/she comes across to others. Defensive when confronted with his behavior. Never his/her fault.
- Seldom expresses appreciation.
- Sabotages partner. Wants him/her to be happy only through him/her and to have few or no outside interests and acquaintances.
- They have a sense of superiority, for example, if they are being highly critical, often judgmental about you or others.
Triangulation and flattery not sincere. They give out backhanded compliments, such as “She has a figure like yours, you know, slim but no muscle tone.” They will triangle you with another person (i.e. cheating) causing drama.
In a romantic relationship, the relationship moves quickly, for example, they will shower you with attention, compliments or gifts, and say “I love you” very early on in the relationship.