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5 Ways to Help with Mental Health Breakdowns

Some mental health first-aid that can help with their therapy!

By Aelita YoonPublished 6 years ago 9 min read
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Mental health issues take a lot of work: not just from the medical professionals and the individuals affected, but from their support groups, too. About a year ago, I created this wallpaper of my birth chakra symbols to remind and encourage positive thinking (see point #3).

The majority of the people I have met in my life do not know what to do during a mental health crisis. And from what I heard from others who go through mental health issues like myself, this is the norm. Stigma is no longer an issue -- the issue now is that our allies are not equipped with the right tools to help. It took my romantic partner 3 months of being constantly by my side to finally learn what I needed during my breakdowns. There was little that the Internet could provide for him.

In response to this lack of information on how to help, I've created this article! See below for how you can help:

#1 -- Make a Plan

If someone you know has trusted you with the nature of their mental health, respect it. If you've already done it, then great! We can move onto the next step, and that's to make a plan.

About a month into the first rash of episodes (that I had never gone to the ER for), my partner and I sat down and we laid out an emergency plan. You, as an ally, will never be able to be constantly by this person's side! Also, part of the healing process is letting the individual retain their independence and agency. I would only reach out for help when I felt like I needed something more than a walking stick or a chair, and in the case that I couldn't even type properly, I would use a caution symbol from my Emoji keyboard set.

If you are the individual that needs help, make a simple, easy-to-access plan that everyone you have trusted can help you with. Use images, keywords (NOT key phrases), emojis, etc., that you don't have to use too much brainpower to execute. If you're having a breakdown, you're not going to be as organized as you usually are.

If you're an ally of the individual who needs help, and they have yet to make a plan, sit down at a loud cafe or a dinner table and talk it out. My partner and I didn't have any private places back then to be able to discuss a plan at our homes, so we went to a local Tim Horton's instead. Go for the noisier places -- they tend to mask your conversations better. Don't be too comfortable when you're doing this, as it will discourage active thinking about what to do. You want your bum to be in a chair for this one, folks.

Every plan will be different, because every individual is going to be different. The individual in question will always know themselves the best. It's going to be a tough sitting, but it will make all of the following steps much easier!

#2 - Support Them, but Don't Hold Their Hand

Regardless of whether you have mental health issues or not, everybody needs support. It just so happens that those who are going through these issues need a different type of support than what the majority of us are used to.

Depending on the severity and nature of each individual's condition, the support that they could need can range anywhere from daily reminders to eat, to something a bit more complex like physical support for when our bodies fail us from a lack of norepinephrine levels.

Be honest with yourselves, allies, but also encourage your friend/family member to do the same. When asking the question, "What do you need?", make sure that they're honest about what they can do, and what they can't. Come to a middle ground where you're still helping them, but the individual working through the issues has a grasp of their own footing, too. It can be as simple as meeting up for a little TLC on the town, or suggesting a task or goal for the day.

One of the biggest ways my partner supports me daily is to encourage that I leave the house everyday. I still have yet to actually go through with it unless I have business to attend to downtown, but I know he's egging me on because a bit of fresh air and intercity travel actually gets my neurotransmitters going. It may not seem like much, but the so-called "mundane" things can have the biggest impact.

#3 - Encourage Positivity

Mental health issues can leave someone feeling worthless, small, and disappointed with oneself. We are the perfectionists, the harsh self-critics (and critics of others), and the cold realists. But, we don't have to be.

I used to be a very negative, pessimistic thinker. After so many failures in work and school, simply because of my condition, I came to believe that I was fated for the worst. My mom once put it aptly over a teary phone call I made shortly after arriving in Toronto: "Why do you always abuse yourself?" Even my partner and friends say that I'm too hard on myself, to the point that it's unhealthy.

I've changed a lot since then, but the way I did was changing my view of the world. A good chunk of my university days consisted of toxic cosplay cultures, lavish late-night desserts and a degenerating YouTube community that I frequently participated in (or at least tried to). It shaped my language, my actions and my thoughts. I was quick to act and quick to react, and whenever something went wrong, I blamed myself for failing to see people for who they really were until it was too late.

In Toronto, the people I've met are very different. Money is well-saved and well-spent when ready, cosplay is still fun in the circle that I happened to land in, and desserts are exclusive to special occasions. Point #2 had a lot to do with this, since I started living alone around this time, but the biggest impact on me was the people I met. Even though I don't live in Old Koreatown anymore, I'm down for dinner with my old roommates any time, simply because I care for them as much as they do for me. (One of them is a witch that reignited my love for the Universe and my devotion to the Goddess, which began my spiritual journey of recovery.)

My partner was actually my old night-time supervisor at the very same Tim Horton's we laid out our emergency plan at. The one who berated at me to adapt a healthier lifestyle was my Store Manager at the location, despite having her own struggles. My cosplay friends in Toronto value real-life choices and lifestyles as much as the cosplay and convention kind, and are active in leadership roles.

Act the part that you want them to play. Positivity leads to positivity. Negativity only attracts more negativity. As the witches say, "Say what you will, lest you harm none. And whatever you do returns three times three times three." Allies, they trust you because they admire and love you. So, return the favour, and trust them to be the best that they can be, too. Which brings me to the next tip...

#4 - Relentlessly Forgive

It's not uncommon to hear stories of friends abandoning individuals with mental health issues upon learning that they have it, or when coming face-to-face with one of their bad days. We're used to people not forgiving us, but that's not to say that you should add to that count.

Even though my partner and I haven't been dating for even a year, I know I can trust him when he tells me he loves me because he's always forgiven me. For all the times I didn't leave the house when he asked me to, for all the times I would cry in the middle of his studying, or for all of the times when he would have to cover for me while I got back on my feet -- he never once resented me for it. I still feel like I owe him a lot, including a billion "sorry"s, but he won't have it. He knows that I'm trying, and he sees me put in 200% effort to be better everyday, and he reminds me whenever I get frustrated with my "lack of development".

You may not realize it, but every "sorry" that we utter is completely genuine. It may sound like it's overused, and it may feel like we're saying it just for the sake of saying it, and it may get annoying -- but please, don't give up on us. When I help others through their own breakdowns, and the "s" word leaves their lips, I always tell them, "You don't have to be."It's that simple. Of course, it'll be met with denial, but paired with points #2 and #3, the number of times you'll have to say it will shrink over time.

During days when my brain suddenly flips out, I feel like a puppet on tangled strings, being forced to move when I can't. I'll apologize for being lazy. I'll apologize for hogging the gaming computer. I'll apologize for not getting any work done. But, I don't have to. And that's something that I had to learn from the number of people who told me that I didn't have to.

#5 - The Ambulance isn't your only option.

This final tip is only for emergency cases, when a crisis occurs and medical attention is required.

An ambulance is great for situations like these, but not all areas can be accessed by one, and not everyone can afford to have one called, either. (Even with healthcare coverage in Canada, most provinces require the patient to pay $45 per call. Without coverage, it's $240+ per call.)

In the case where you need to get to an emergency room fast, sometimes finding alternative forms of transportation are required. Taxis, ride-share platforms, and carpooling are great, cheaper options. If you can, riding a bike is also a pretty nifty idea if you have thighs of steel -- whatever works! But, please avoid public transit! Crowded spaces with constant stops along an indirect route? That's just asking for trouble... It's bound to make the situation worse than it already is.

If none of these options are available, then call 911 (or whatever your local emergency line is) and ask for an ambulance. Remain calm, be as detailed as possible, and communicate with your friend/family member as much as you can. Even though you're the one making the call, the call is for them. Individuals who are in the crisis, however, be ready to find a way to pay that ambulance fee: in the end, it's a small price to pay for your future, and it could lead to treatment outlets to make sure you stay alive and well.

Please note that all of these points are designed to be used in conjunction with medical help! The first four points are taken directly from CBT modules on self-care and harnessing of personal responsibility. One of the main points about CBT is that medication is used to stabilize neurotransmitters before facing tough subject matter.

Even without therapy, I hope that it can be of help, but for those who are struggling... please seek medical help, and be open about treatments that are offered to you. Our doctors are still learning how these mental health issues work, so be patient with the options that they offer you. I had to go through two medications before finding the one that fit me. Be honest with your doctors, and tell them everything that you feel might be of concern.

The best of luck, Fighters and Allies!

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About the Creator

Aelita Yoon

I'm an Art History bachelor with an intense passion for all things Asian pop-culture, and I'm also an advocate for mental health as a fighter of PTSD and Depression. Follow my creative work at http://aelitayoon.wixsite.com/aelita!

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