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A Bitter Bitch's Biography

Yes, I would like some pepper with that salt.

By MichelleLuongoPublished 7 years ago 6 min read
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Remember in the old cartoons when someone, usually a large, very angry chef would whip out an even larger fish and just slap a guy in the face? Then the guy gets so angry that his whole body turns red and bursts into flames? That's what it was like the first time someone called me bitter. A dear friend of mine had gotten engaged and the conversation turned to my being single where a series of 'positive' encouragements washed over me like a sea of overly-hopeful mothers. I responded like any other smart-ass would have: 'Oh, I just haven't found anyone willing to put up with me.' Then, the four most dangerous words were spat at me by an eighty year-old man: "Oh, don't be bitter." His words resonated with me for days. Was I being bitter? I was ecstatic for my friend and surely I am not being bitter if I am happy for her. Yeah, I was a little jealous of their 'inspirational couple' status. But I was still happy for her. In my mind, bitterness and happiness could not exist at the same time. If you were bitter, then you were just a sad and angry person. I used to think bitterness went hand in hand with resentment. I am here to tell you that I was wrong. Am I still bitter? Sure am. But, am I happy? Absolutely.

There is so much negative (albeit hilarious) imagery that goes along with a 'bitter person.' Go on, picture a bitter person in your mind right now. What do you see? Narrow eyes and a permanent scowl? Resting bitch face? A frail old woman alone, surrounded by cats and looking over all the happy people from her window cursing the cruel, cruel world? Sorry everyone. I am none of those things.

I am in my early twenties, surrounded by friends and family, and on a bad day I look like a slightly bothered toddler. So, what do I have to be bitter about? I ask myself that all the time. I am aware that I am bitter. I am aware that I am a bitch. These things do not escape my attention. I so painfully aware of this that while I lay in bed I will go through every conversation I have over the course of a day and analyze just how harsh I sound.

There is a term the youth of today throw around that I feel is actually pretty clever: Salty. As in "wow, don't be so salty." Essentially, it is just a newer term for bitter. I like to believe that this all stems from a not eating enough snacks, but that's a point for another article. The issue I feel we are dealing with today, is bitterness being misread as resentment. Now many of you are probably thinking that the are the same thing. I do not believe they are. One can lead to the other, but they are not the same thing. Bitterness, in my personal experience, stems from insecurity. Resentment comes from misplaced anger and anxiety. Being able to differentiate the two is what what will keep you from reaching the dark place we all have inside. Realizing that I was bitter, and identifying the point I became resentful is brought me to where I am today.

As I said before, I am fortunate to have many friends and an impossibly large family. Everyone is in the stages of life where big things are happening. If I had a dollar for 'congratulations' card I had to sign this year, you now how the rest goes. Having graduated from art school two years ago and being single, I would catch myself being, as the kids would say, 'salty.' From time to time I wished that I could rock any outfit I threw on like my cousin. I'd cop an attitude when one of the aunts over for dinner would ask 'so are you still doing the art thing?' Sure I would compare myself to my two best girlfriends analyze all the ways they excel where I fail. These are all things that regular people do. This is being salty. This is bitter. Throw in my quick-wit and bold personality and you've got one sassy person.

My friends are incredibly wonderful people embarking on new adventures. The newly weds, the college grads, the homeowners. These are monumental accomplishments for them. Now, Cue my self-destructive spiral of anxious thoughts. Sitting in the audience at commencement ceremonies, I wondered where I had gone wrong in life. Scrolling on social media looking at the engagement announcements, I wondered why my ex-'whatever' couldn't love me the way I loved him. Walking through the brand new apartment, I froze because I still live at home with no foreseeable change. This storm of crazed internal rantings created a monster. I became enraged. I started to snap at the same friends I was happy for. I would rather stay in and stew in my own self-pity than go out an celebrate. The eighty year-old man's voice played on a loop in my head; "oh, don't be bitter." This was it, I thought, I had become a bitter person. I was going to be bitter and alone forever. Laying in bed, I mentally made a list at everyone I was mad at and why. Enter my very worried father. I began to vent to him about how I angry I was at the world, something I hadn't since eighth grade. In the middle of my frenzied rant he stopped me and asked why I was harbouring so much resentment. Resentment. That is what I was feeling. It was not bitterness. This was a whole other situation.

Upon realizing the true issue, I immediately started to realize where I went wrong. See, I can blame all my inner demons for leading me to resentment. Yeah, there was a boy who wasn't able to give me the kind of loved I yearned for. Yeah, I have abandonment issues. Yeah, I wonder if I'll ever be enough for someone. How many of you rolled your eyes? Me too, don't worry. I wondered if this was my new way of life, constant anger. Heavy black eyeliner was never a good look on me, so I knew I had to deal with this. Ready for another cliché? I had to focus on all the good things I had going for me. I had to remember that these people I foolishly blamed for my unhappiness were actually the people who made my life so much better. I had an open discussion with my friends, saying that I felt I had become a 'bitter bitch'. One of them raised an interesting point; why does that have to be a bad thing?

Here's a piece of advice, direct from me to you. Own your bitterness. Own your bitchiness. Take it and run with it, if anything people will mostly find you hilarious. So long as you aren't being a bully or being mean for sport, there is nothing wrong with owning your attitude. The way you handle yourself is a choice. Think of it as being an insult comic, throw some shade when necessary. Oh, you went on the best date of your life? Girl, you better tell me all about it while I gag. I may be salty about life, but I am so happy to be living it.

I am a bitter bitch.

And that's okay.

stigma
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