A Broken Life, Turned to Something Beautiful

Sometimes, we can not help how we feel. Sometimes, we hurt in ways we can not control, and aren't sure how to fix. This is just a small piece of my history, and what I have done to keep myself above water.

For several years now I have carried around these scars from my past, all of which were very painful to endure, and even harder to let go. Many of them I have learned how to move on and not let it change my life, but some I cannot seem to get to away.

My sophomore year of high school is when it all started, my mother and I would fight constantly, sometimes about things that should not have even been a fight. During this time we both said some mean things to each other, each time cutting deeper and deeper. I finally couldn't take it anymore. As I sat on the bathroom floor around three in the morning I felt dead, I felt like I had nothing left. Emotionally I was gone, mentally I couldn't take it anymore. It was until my sister came in and saw me, and she picked me up and we went to her room. There we talked until it was morning, not saying a word to anybody else about anything we spoke about that night. It gave me hope, that I could get myself out of this hole.

Shortly after graduating I moved out, to a town about an hour-and-a-half away and had a good job, things seemed to have been looking up for me. I became a Christian and that is where I found my main peace. When I was alone I could talk to God, I could vent everything, I could trust him. In doing so I became so much happier, I was no longer bearing this weight that I was carrying around.

Recently, I have fallen back down into the hole. I have started feeling useless again, emotionally dead. I have turned to several things to try and help myself, each one working more and more. Writing is the biggest vent for me. I don't have to face another person, I can be totally me and honest and it is okay. I strongly encourage people no matter what you are facing, writing and talking about it (it can be to your wall too!) makes the world of a difference. I am getting stronger every day, and I am facing my problems now, no longer running away from them. I should have done that years ago, and now that I am older I see things a little differently, I have people in my life that are making my world a better place. After all life is what you make it, so take a chance on yourself! You might be surprised!

It is not often heard, especially for me, but knowing that you are loved and that you do make a difference in peoples lives is the strongest medicine. Learning to love yourself is hard, but it is a beautiful journey. I hope that my story has given you a little bit of hope, you got this!

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, YOU ARE WORTH IT ALL!