A Lifelong Battle

Growing up, I was called my family's sunshine girl. I brought joy and light into their lives. I was expected to always be happy and, for a while, I was.

At the age of 14, everything changed. I found myself withdrawing from the activities that I had once loved. My days were full of anxiety, and my nights full of silent tears. Despite my suffering, I reached out to no one, and eventually, it became worse.

People in our world tend to believe that those who act out in times of depression are only doing it for attention. That self-harm, eating disorders and the like are only to make others pay attention to them. I can speak against this. I am a living example of both.

In my mind, these actions, though horrible, were a way of coping with my pain. A distraction from my emotional distress. I believe that is how it is for many. It is what I have SEEN in many.

I volunteer for a non-profit organization that focuses on suicide prevention. Over the course of the last three years with them, I have learned a great deal about mental health and coping mechanisms—including unhealthy ones. I have met with those who are struggling. I have been interviewed for mental health clinics and news networks and, most importantly, I have found help for myself.

I won't go into details about my treatment plan, as that is not the purpose of sharing this story. The purpose is to show that depression and anxiety are real. People do act out for reasons other than to get attention, and that people with these mental disorders often cannot just choose to be happy.

Even with treatment, every day is a battle for my life. I have learned how to cope in healthy ways, but it is still difficult. Medications and counseling help, but even they can only do so much.

I am not ashamed of my mental health disorders. To date, I have been diagnosed with four: major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and PTSD. They are a part of me, but they do not define me. I struggle, yes. There are days that are seemingly unbearable, but I have yet to not make it through a bad day.

So, if mental disorders don't define me, who am I? I define myself as an artist, musician, actor, daughter, friend, mental health advocate, and Christian. These are the things that matter to me, the things I believe are truly who I am. I am not a mental disorder. Neither are you. Neither are any of those who are suffering.

Mental health is a huge part of our lives. Everyone knows someone, whether they are aware of it or not, who suffers from a mental health disorder. It may be you, your best friend, your mother, father, or sibling. As you interact with these people, I urge you not to define them by their illness. You can acknowledge it, and honestly, you should, just do not allow it to be the only thing you see them as.

Mental health is a lifelong battle. Let's not make it harder by solidifying the stigma surrounding it.