Abusive Parents

I have been living with my abusive parents for 19 years. My father walked out when I was born so I lived with my mother and my grandmother. It all started when I was walking my grandmother would beat me with whatever she could get her hands on. After I turned about 10 my grandmother started calling me names like cow hippo and other weight related hurtful names. She still would hit me with whatever she could get her hands on. Then when I turned about 13, she came at me with an aluminum baseball bat. Dealing with this abuse for so long it has messed me up pretty bad. I have major trust issues, I have PTSD and flashbacks. They mostly occur when someone is yelling at me or they raise their fists. I can not have a normal life because of it. I’ve been hit with just about everything. I’ve had whelps and bruises everywhere. I had to cover them up so no one would get suspicious.

After I turned 15 she stopped hitting me but the names didn’t stop. My fiancé and I are moving out soon and I will be safe for the abuse, but it still affects my life. I have always dated people like my father; every guy I dated walked out on me or cheated on me. One ex even raped me when I was 15. I tried to be friends with him but he wanted other things. I have been abused by many people. My life has been me constantly wanting a way out I’ve attempted suicide many times it was what I thought was the easiest way out. But it wasn’t the only thing that did was put me in a hospital many times. I’ve been verbally, mentally, emotionally, and physically abused my whole life. I was not a person who could just walk up to my best friend, a counselor, or any one I trust and just openly talk about this. In fact the only reason people know of my abuse is because they come over and see it for themselves. I never thought I would escape the abuse.

But I finally found someone to help me escape. And even with him, I have flashbacks and PTSD, he yells at me and I go back to my grandmother yelling and hitting me. I just wish this would all end but it won’t it will never end I will be stuck with this the rest of my life. Living with abuse I can honestly say that abuse is not something to laugh about of make jokes about it is a horrible thing. I sit and think of the abuse and can’t stop crying it has seriously scared me and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Abuse is something many of us live with and it is not a easy thing to live with. It is very hard to live with constantly thinking of the abuse and having flashbacks and PTSD. Life after abuse can be hard and it can cause depression and other issues. Living with the abuse and not being able to talk to anyone about it was very hard for me I can now talk to my fiancé about anything including the abuse. I talk to him about it and other terrible things I’ve been through. He is one of the only people I can talk to about things like this. I talk to him about my rough days and he talks to me about his. We support each other with everything in life. I now know that even though I may not forget the abuse but I can make it easier on myself.