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An Open Letter to Your Depression

After Depression Has Pushed Me Away

Dear Depression,

You are a thief, a liar; the master of deception.

Cloaked under darkness and time, you have wormed your way into our lives and taken from him and then, taken from me.

You are a thief.

You crept in through the winter, masked under the early sunsets and cloudy skies and have stolen. Stolen a year and a half of a life, stolen a future, stolen the person I promised to love and cherish.

I don’t know where you have stashed him away. You have stolen the light from his eyes and robbed him of his feeling, his feelings for me. And although he can pretend he is fine, he can go out and have a good time, in time you will steal those feelings too.

You continue to wear him down, little bits at a time. Eventually there will be nothing left and only then, when you have robbed him of everything, will he see himself standing alone, with nothing.

You are a liar.

You have lied to him and you have lied to me. You have created a tall tale, convinced him that it is reality. You have put your words in his mouth, spewing out this world that you have created. You have filled him with apologies that don’t recognise your presence.

You have promised him that doing this will make you leave, doing this will make him feel like himself again. But you cling, like cigarettes smoke, never really fading.

The master of deception.

You hold all the power, I know that. You have filled him with belief about who he is and who he should be. And I can scream and cry until I have exhausted my last breath, but I cannot make him see otherwise. That is what makes you the master.

He cannot yet escape your all-encompassing presence and now you have prevented me from helping.

I know the power you have. You once held me in your grasp, it took me a long time to claw my way out and even though it’s been years I can sense your presence here and now.

I hate you. I hate that you have done this. I hate that I can’t do anything but sit back and watch the love of my life struggle.

All I can do is move forward, as hard and as painful as it is. I have learned how to notice, how to avoid your hold and even if I can’t, I know the way through the dark tunnel and back into the light. He doesn’t, and because of you, I am no longer allowed to guide the way.

I dream about the day you will have vanished forever, but the destruction will remain. No one will ever be able to fully repair the damage you left in your wake.

You are a thief and a liar; the master of deception.

Yours Truly,

The Collateral Damage


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I got my heart broken because the person I love has decided they don't love me anymore.

This isn't the case. Depression has told him this. In the aftermath of this this breakup, I wrote this letter. Since I can't talk to it, I thought I would try the next best thing, putting my feelings out in the universe in hopes that it will bring me peace.

I know this is hard for me and one day when he decides to deal with this it will be hard for him too. He won’t ever read this. It will not bring him back to me, but if it helps heal even a little bit, then this letter has served its purpose. 

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