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Anxiety

A Blogger's Tale

By JoDawn HicksPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Growing up I worried a lot about everything, but it was normal to me and I was often labeled the worrywart. I never thought much of my fears as I kept very active in sports from a young age. My parents were school teachers, as well as active members with the Elks Club so I was always surrounded by people. We traveled out of town, often camping with friends or watching my dad play in his over 40 mush-ball league. I remember having stomach aches in new situations especially if the attention was centered around me; I remember getting so nauseous the day of my baptism, everyone touching and fussing over me—we had to leave early. As a teen I obsessed over what other people thought of me to the point I rarely missed school even when sick for fear I would be talked about. Looking back, the paranoia was insane and I lost sleep over irrational thoughts like this often—almost nightly. I had no idea what anxiety was and I was really good at hiding how I felt so there were never any red flags my parents could have caught on to.

In retrospect, anxiety affected me as an adult too, especially in the workplace. If someone was rude to me at work or if I happened to upset someone, I couldn't let it go. I wouldn't say anything but I would go home and obsess. I was overly sensitive and spent many nights after work crying. Something that could just easily roll off someone else's shoulder could bother me long after the incident. Still not knowing much about anxiety I thought once again that this is just me, maybe I have more sensitive feelings than the average Joe.

In 2011, I lost my dad. I was devastated and stopped getting out of bed due to the depression. When I finally started to make an effort, I would feel extremely nauseous and I could not regulate my breathing. For the first time in my life...I was having panic attacks and they were so intense I began to think I was dying. After struggling a few months I finally sought help at my local emergency room and after many visits was referred to therapy for the first time.

It's been seven years since my battle with anxiety began and still I am not completely cured. Although I don't panic nearly as often, I think I'll always be a worrier. I battled long and hard—I've tried many medications, checked myself into psychiatric facilities, took all the advice I could from other patients, and researched until my eyes were sore. What I've learned is that it is all up to me. I determine my future and I get to choose what I let affect me. Medication was only a crutch for me, I respond better to stimulus. I have been off psychiatric medication for five months at this point.

Finding freedom from anxiety is completely trial and error. You just have to keep trying until something works for you. It is hard to be specific about what ended up helping me but changing my mindset has done wonders, there really is something to be said about a positive mind. Negative thoughts about myself or what anyone might think of me are of the past. I truly enjoy my life now and don't have to fake it, ever. I still have anxiety but it's not even a fraction of what it was. My advice it to try new things, here are a few of my favorites:

👣Music therapy

👣Daily affirmations/quotes

👣Journaling

👣Yoga/stretching

👣Online support groups

Never give up, you ARE worth it!

👣👣👣👣👣👣👣👣👣👣👣👣👣👣

Read more on my battles with anxiety, depression, and addiction on my recovery blog at here.

"Good company in a journey makes the was seem shorter." - Izaak Walton

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About the Creator

JoDawn Hicks

At 29 I was diagnosed with panic/anxiety disorder as well as manic depression. I am a stubborn 'do it my way' type person by nature, conventional therapies didn't always work for me. Join my recovery blog joshewrote.com to read more🤗

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