Anxiety

It can be difficult with anxiety sometimes. I've had it since I was 14 and it has to be the worse thing ever. I developed anxiety when I had a problem with a guy that made it all start. Now I have to avoid a lot of stuff like horrors, going to new places, or even meeting up with new friends, or even old friends on a one to one basis. This can be difficult sometimes, but I'm on tablets every day that don't always work depending on the situation. I know if I have an anxiety attack. I've learned the best way is to get angry over something; just try and get adrenaline going, and it really does help—or cuddle someone you love and breathe. Depending on the situation, I have had times where I can't touch anyone or hug anyone, I have to just lie down and focus on breathing. It can be a struggle getting up, eating, taking my tablets, then kicking in an hour later after I'm already on the bus and on the way to work. It's life, I guess.

I had help once but I got called crazy. I told them how I feel, I told them I see ghosts and that I have ghosts in my house and they thought I was crazy, and that's coming from a therapist, which I'm guessing she's heard it before—but wow, it's shocked me to know how judgmental they can be. All through the years since I was 14 I haven't been able to have a boyfriend. I would feel sick just going out to meet people. Once I had to break up with someone over text because I was throwing up thinking about it. After I broke up with them I was fine. I felt like a coward, but there wasn't anything else I could do. I thought multiple times that I really needed to try and get out there and get my confidence up, but my head just kept stopping me and I would always feel sick to the extent I would cry. When I was 17, me and my best friend decided to see if we should be in a relationship or just friends. At this time, I met the person I'm with today. A short while after, me and my friend decided that it was strange and that we should just be friends.

One day I went busking and met up with a few of my girlfriends. One of them introduced me to a group of guys in the city that she knew. I got to know one of them really well and we ended up going on a day out; just went bowling and we just spoke to each other, told each other our secrets and were totally open with each other. This made me realise that I felt so much better. I thought that maybe this is the time I could be happy and stop worrying. It was a struggle at first and I would still get nervous, but something just felt right. I didn't have much anxiety anymore when I was around him. I stayed at his house and I was still a bit nervous, but I got through it. Six months later we got engaged and six years on we are still together, and I couldn't be happier. We're planning on putting a deposit on a house very soon and getting married next year. It's like a dream come true. I never thought I could be this happy. I thought this day would never happen. You can overcome anything if you believe it and if you push through. It took me three to four years, but I overcome fears that I thought were impossible—but I found the love of my life. Every day I still go through the problems of anxiety, worrying about little things, but I overcame a big part of my life. I'm scared about moving out of my house, but that's my next step and I hope to do this.

No matter what happens, you can overcome problems.