Anxiety and Relationships

We’ve all been there. A perfectly good relationship, and for a while, your anxiety disappears like it never existed in the first place, but like a cloud, it comes and goes as it pleases.

I, myself, have been that person. In fact, right now I am that person. I’ve been dating this guy for a year now. My anxiety has been flaring up on and off for the past six months, and when I mentioned this to my partner, his response is always the same and that I mustn’t be happy in the relationship because my anxiety had “come back when it had been gone for so long.” That’s why I think this needs addressing and needs addressing fast.

Anxiety is NOT always going to be backed by reason.

Now I’m neither a scientist nor a psychologist, but for me, anxiety has a simple way of being explained, and that’s the anxiety cloud. At least, my anxiety is, and that's how I like to look at it.

Anxiety is a cloud.

Sometimes the cloud isn’t there, and the sky is clear, and everything the sun touches is beautiful, and I haven’t a single care in the world. (Anxiety free).

Occasionally the cloud is there, but it’s white and fluffy, it’s lingering but it isn’t really harmful yet, it can be ignored. Things are a little dim but it’s manageable. (Niggling, can be ignored thoughts).

Frequently the cloud is there, and it’s dark, looming waiting to burst into a downpour, and you’re just waiting, quite anxiously but trying to find an umbrella. (A large overwhelming fear starting to creep into our thoughts. Am I good enough? What could I do to be better? What aren’t I doing that I should be?)

The downpour, the clouds finally breaking from all the pressures of the water that they’re holding, and your skin is soaked right through to the bone in minutes. (Everything is your fault, you can’t do anything right.)

And finally, the thunder and lightning storm, where you run in fear and hide indoors, there’s no point being out today. (The hiding within yourself because you can’t talk about your feelings that day.)

Do you know what anxiety and those clouds have in common? Unpredictability. Anything can set off anxiety. A reminder of something terrible that’s happened. A simple jest that was taken wrong, or even nothing at all. Sometimes thoughts just come to you out of nowhere.

All I can say is. Try to find your anxiety repulsing umbrella, and protect yourself from the downpour.

I know that’s easier said than done, and I am still trying to find my umbrella, but the real point of this whole message is so that you have an easy way to explain anxiety to your partners, your friends, and your families. A lot of people won’t understand the full basis of anxiety. A lot of people will just say “can’t you stop worrying and calm down” but it’s never that simple, and I’ve found a lot of the time this is the easiest way to explain it.

And if my partner is reading this, which I doubt, but if he is, I want him to know that my anxiety isn’t dictated by him or our relationship. My anxiety is something completely unbalanced in my brain that I’m trying to figure out. As I said before, I’m no professional in brain functionality, but I am a professional in my own emotions.

We may not have control right now, but we will.

We’ll tackle this—together.

You and I.

We’ve got this.