Anxiety at Its Finest

For everyone who lives everyday with anxiety, know you are not alone.

You act not yourself or are fearful of everything around you. I am one that have to live with it everyday. It is not something I want to have in life, but it is something you must learn to manage. Recently I have gone to group counselling, learning about mindfulness and self-compassion. It is a learning curve, to learn to live with anxiety everyday. Be as positive as you can, keep your head up high; move forward and don’t look back. Live in the now and not the past. Your life matters; only you can be the judge to fix you the way you want to. I have recently downloaded an app and have started meditating. It has been helping me in the moment, and that is all you can hope for. Treatment is a long process that is never ending.

I live daily with anxiety. I struggle to leave the house, even if it is to take my dog out to the washroom. I have issues with going place on my own. I don’t have any self-confidence, I have what they call self-hate. I put myself down thinking I am not good enough for anyone. I have no self-worth, I’m constantly over stressed and making myself nauseous. I’ve thrown up more times in two weeks than I have in six months. Stress eats you alive and causes depression and anxiety. What society doesn’t realize, and people are so naïve, is that it's something that could destroy someone’s inner being. Anxiety can cause you to act out in ways you are unfamiliar with, make you anti-social and hard to get along with. You just want to be alone in a dark room surrounded by objects and things that will not judge you. You are vulnerable; everything can trigger you to spiral. It is not easy, and it will unfortunately never be easy. This is a day-by-day treatment to help you cope with anxiety and understand it. To learn obstacles and lessons to help better manage your life, because you are important.

I grew up in such a negative household that only now my parents have realized that they could have done better. I am not saying my childhood was bad; it had its ups and downs. To me, it was normal! Regardless of the person I have now become, I am who I am today because of my family. I was raised to be strong; maybe not independent, but strong nonetheless. I was taught to take things with a grain of salt and, in words of my father, “don’t be a wimp.” I was bullied as a kid, from kindergarten up until graduating high school. I let people walk all over me. All I wanted to do was fit in; I was a follower. I tried so hard for people to like me for me, that I created a shell and closed myself off. I was scared to show people the real me, because I was afraid to get picked on. I still struggle with that everyday, but unfortunately you learn to grow up and deal with it in a different light.

Anxiety is not easy; just surround yourself with people who love and care for you. Have someone to talk to, without passing judgement. Be yourself and you will eventually gain the confidence you need. I know it’s a long process and I am not quite there yet myself, but I am living proof that being a fighter is worth everything in the world. DON’T GIVE UP. Love yourself the way you are and accept yourself, calm yourself and continue to be the compassionate, loving human that you are.