Anxiety During Pregnancy

Before pregnancy, I was already dealing with a lot of anxiety. I can say that it started around high school because that is when I moved from New Hampshire to New Jersey—a completely different state where I did not know anyone and had to start new with everything. On top of that, high school is a time where you develop physically, when boys are interested and you're also interested. You get more school work and, above all, you get insecure. You start to learn who you are and that people judge over the smallest things. Of course, I never took my anxiety seriously because I was young and thinking it would pass eventually.

After high school, things got a bit tough for me. I went through a major life change that will forever be embedded into my brain; something I am not ready to share, but one day I will. I think that is when the anxiety took control of my life and I, willingly and naively, let it. So some years later, still dealing with anxiety without worrying about it taking over my life more than it had, I finally got my license, and it was not easy driving for a while with anxiety. Sometimes I would just wake up with anxiety and if I had to drive I would get lost even going to the same place I knew by heart. One time, I even drove on the wrong side of the street and thankfully, thankfully, I realized and did not get into an accident. My boyfriend was with me and he looked at me like I was out of my mind.

When I found out I was pregnant, for some odd reason I did not think my anxiety would get even worse. Boy, was I wrong. My anxiety did not really hit hard until all the craziness from my earlier posts had happened; from moving to not having job and feeling completely exhausted about everything. Every time I would have a panic attack or felt anxious I would get a very tight feeling in my stomach and it hurt me because I knew, at that moment, Aliza must be feeling it, and I would force myself to just relax and it would just make it worse. This is when I knew it was going to be a problem and I had to find a solution.

I started to go to therapy and it is helping me find the source to my anxiety because enough is enough and Aliza does not deserve a mother who is going to not be able to protect her because of my problems. My therapist, Judy, recommended to see a psychiatrist and see if she recommends anything, so I made an appointment to keep my options open. I met with my psychiatrist and she did not suggest for me to take medications during pregnancy unless it started to really, really affect the baby, and I agreed. Everything was good for some time, but recently, it has been getting to the point where I just can't control it and it is starting to get me angry and frustrated, which is making everything worse. I see her again this week and I am going to have to tell her what I can do as my next step, because it is becoming overwhelming. I am sure that I'm not alone. I wonder what other pregnant mothers do to help deal with anxiety.