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"Just get over it," they say. It's harder than you think. Imagine having a little devil on your shoulder constantly. A little someone that has the exact same voice as you. It's telling you that if you talk to someone, they will hurt you, that they are laughing at you. The little voice that tells you you're ugly when you look at yourself in the mirror, even though the words that actually came out of your mouth were "wow, I look pretty good today." You can't just get over that.
Personally, I've always been a little too much for people to handle. A little too sad or a little too overbearing or maybe even a little too annoying. I'm always too much. I was always too little for the only person I ever really loved and that really screws me up even more inside. I was never enough. What was just previously typed is what my mind says. Every day I battle myself, I fight to not cry and break down. I try to keep it together because honestly, I don't like too many questions being asked. As everyone always says, it's a mask. Something we hide behind because we can't express how we feel. Someone without this disorder will NOT be able to fully understand, we barely get it ourselves.
I, for a fact, have trouble believing what anyone says. I tell my self things repeatedly until I believe them. Saying these things helps to prepare myself in some sort of way for when it actually happens. You aren't ever really prepared for it though, It hurts more when it happens because now you get to tell yourself you were right. You make situations up in your head that you have no business in doing. When coming in contact with new people I tend to talk fast, I don't know why I do it. I guess the reason is to get what needs to be said out of the way so I can shut up. Trying to cancel out the time for judgment. So telling someone who you think is being extra to get over it, to grow up, isn't helping. We see that as you not caring about what we have going on. All we want is to feel loved, cared about. Walking away isn't helpful. We can't even understand it at times, but we want others to catch us when we fall. No one should ever feel completely alone. I know dealing with it from the other end is hard but it isn't something that can turn off or just stopped. Over time things get better, but pushing others away in their time of need makes it worse. Believe it or not, by just even asking if the person is okay helps to kill the thoughts. Momentarily that is, I said it was hard.
I am not speaking from a professional point of view I am only coming from what I can understand, and personal experience with my own disorder.
"There will be some things you won't get over. Some things that will sting you so hard they will set you back to where you started. You will hurt and hurt and hurt. You will also rise from it. You will learn from the past. You will shape your own reality and accept that you should never settle for anything less than you deserve." — R.M. Drake
Signs of Anxiety
- Being horrified to answer calls
- Feeling like the odd one out, anywhere you go
- Staying in the house because its too many people everywhere
- Staying in toxic relationships for fear of being all alone (even though you tell yourself you're alone anyway)
- Saying sorry way too much
- Blaming yourself for literally everything
- Panic when getting invited to events
- Being afraid that everyone will hurt you
- Having all the "what ifs" in the world crashing you at once
Signs of Panic Attacks
Just a friendly reminder that anxiety attacks aren't always hyperventilating and rocking back and forth. They are also:
- Random bursts of irritability
- Obsessive behavior and it picking
- Zoning out
Always look for signs in loved ones.
- Taking slow breaths
- Long YouTube videos
- Phone games
- Crying (it's okay to do so)
- Sad music (this helps me, I get even sadder, then I feel better)
- Draw (try not to cut)
- Take a walk
- oing someone repetitive (pen clicking)