Anxious Motivator

What is the average breaking point for regular people? Imagine some of the everyday stresses you have and remember how much it absolutely SUCKED to feel like it was too much to handle.

Depending on what kind of problem solver you are, you may either shrug it off, work through it or simply just collapse into yourself like the U.S. Economies inverted yield curve situation. That was kind of nerdy and boring, I am so sorry. I just can’t help it, my brain doesn’t stop speaking to me about anything and everything that goes into it. (No, I'm not schizophrenic.)

That being said, my stress seeds from my natural anxiety and my anxiety sprouts arms for opportunity through mental activity. It takes a lot more than sunshine and rain to explain how this all roots together. Let’s just say that it’s not exactly a walk in the meadows.

In a previous article, I wrote about my anxiety disorder and how it affects my life in a negative aspect on a daily basis. An unpopular discovery in my self-aware anxiety sparked a smile across my face when I decided to try this, “think positive” thing all of these parents were telling me about. As a teenage girl, putting my pride aside to get in touch with my deeper emotions didn’t exactly seem ideal, I did that once a month already, but when I finally released my death grip on my chastity-belted inner problems, I came to find that a lot of my drive is controlled by anxiety itself.

I’m an anxious motivator. Not that it’s an actual thing/term, but it sounds cool so I honestly could care less.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “BUT ANXIETY IS CRIPPLING, WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU ALLOW SUCH AN ABOMINATION TO POISON YOUR INNOCENT YOUNG MIND!?” You’ve got it all wrong, it's actually been the healthiest, least-healthy thing in my life.

Yes, anxiety is indeed crippling, mentally exhausting and SUCH a heavy ball and chain to carry around for a 110-pound little girl, BUT, if it weren’t for my constant brain activity and worry, I wouldn’t have a reason to want to do all that I’ve done my entire life. It acts as a fire under my butt (excusez mon francais).

I’m not the most accomplished 18-year-old on the planet, but I’ve done some pretty outstanding things and I continue to push and drive myself to learn more and perfect my art and it’s all because my brain WOULD NOT SHUT UP.

It starts as a passion. A flame, if you will. I’m lucky to have found many passions in myself from a young age and I’m even luckier to have stuck with them this long. With that passion, I let it burn in my brain. My anxiety functions like the manager of everything that comes in and everything that leaves my consciousness. So I’ll think to myself, “I really wish I could do more controlled runs with my voice” and it’ll go into my head. When it does, anxiety is always there to say, “well you need to quit being lazy about it and work on it,” “time is running quick, you need to get somewhere with it now if you want to be well-known for your talent”.

I wish I could tell you all the things my brain says, but it stresses me out already just thinking about the idea of it all, so we’re going to come off of that for a moment so I can give you some advice on how to control yourself from breaking down from all of that pressure that is just written in the constellations of the anxiety nebula blessed by an unknown stress god that isn't taught in school.

There are several levels of anxiety. Whether you (or a loved one if you personally can’t relate to this situation) have moderate anxiety, mild anxiety, or even severe anxiety; you have to understand that you MUST be careful and know your limitations as far as how hard you can personally push yourself mentally without breaking down.

It is inevitable not to break down sometimes with any kind of anxiety, but your goal is to keep it to a minimal amount.

If you continually find yourself curled up on the bathroom floor like a shower mat crying so hard no sound comes out all because mom told you to grab some ketchup from the nice boy/ girl from the counter and “YOU JUST COULDN’T BECAUSE HE/SHE WOULD JUDGE YOU FOR NOT GRABBING SOME UPON ORDERING!” then maybe you should figure out your boundaries before attempting to control your anxiety.

How I process goes as follows:

1. Mentally note what goal I want to complete. Physically note it (when to complete, how to complete, etc.)
2. Display it in an obvious and open spot.
3. Create a reminder (whichever is best to remind you.)
4. Keep that in your heart. You don’t want to forget the reasons why you want this goal to be completed, go into depth and answer to yourself why this goal is so important in changing your life.
5. Take control. If your goal takes time, don’t allow anxiety to stress you out for the reason that you simply can’t complete it as fast as you’d like. Your mind is a racehorse, you have control over it no matter how untamed the horse is.
6. Don’t give up. Tell yourself that YOU GOT THIS (you never know how close you are until you don’t have it.)

The key to access all of this is to just be kind to yourself and your emotions. If something really is just too much, you do not have to force yourself to succumb to doing it. Anxiety is a lot to bare, it weighs heavy and sometimes it can be a little more than you can carry. If you’re able to, however, when your brain is running a million a minute then take action. Channel your energy into what you’ve always dreamed of and it’ll all be worth it.

I always worry in my writing that I know I am nowhere near the best of writers, I can hardly figure out what kinds of commas to use and when to use them, but instead of letting that energy take me over negatively to beat me down, I use it to write more and more. Without that motivation, I wouldn’t even be sitting here writing at all. I’d be in bed enjoying my Senior Ditch Day off after a long week.

The point of me writing this is to let you know that even without this disorder, all people stress. Some more than others, but anyone can channel their worry, stress, aggression, sadness into something incredibly powerful and impactful. You just have to take control over your mind and body. It won’t be simple, it’s never easy, but life isn’t easy and you only have one life. You owe it to yourself to know you’re worth because you are here because you serve a purpose. Find that purpose and don’t stop looking. Never let it go and never let go of life.

You GOT THIS. Onward and upward with it.