Assault- Invasion of My Person

Working as a private music teacher you get to know most of the people you work with very well because you see them one on one, every week. Music is a very personal and emotional process so when you are working with someone in that arena you tend to forge a bond.

Sometimes the way you view that bond is not the same way the student sees it.

I was working with a gentleman, we will name him Mr. X, for a few months. He was always polite, on time and mild mannered. I think a good word to describe him would be unassuming. Mr. X was probably 5' 9", older about late forties to early fifties, chicken legs, and a gut bordering on beer belly. He was always clean, never wore socks, liked to wear mono-chromatic shirts and shorts.

He told me about his two daughters, showed me pictures. I learned over the weeks he practiced martial arts and how he wanted to improve his breathing. I would say he was on the border of tone-deaf but if someone comes in and they really want to sing, I will not turn them away. He loved the oldies and when he sang he really gave it all. He did his exercises faithfully and genuinely tried his best.

One day, he complimented me on my toe nails because I was wearing sandals. I said thank you and didn't think anything of it. Then he began complimenting my shoes, or toes every lesson. Sometimes several times a lesson. I started to get a weird feeling in my stomach but he always stayed well within his personal space so I chalked it up to him just being a little strange.

He came to one of his last lessons very visibly upset. This isn't very out of the ordinary, at some point almost all of my students confide in me about things in their personal life. He didn't say too much, just that he had gotten into an argument with his ex-wife over his daughters. He talked at length about how he felt like as they were getting older they didn't really want to spend time with him anymore. Afterward, we picked a song that he could sing for them. At the end of the lesson he asked for a hug. I gave him one as a lot of my students ask for hugs, specially after an emotional lesson.

Next lesson, I am sitting at the desk trying to print his sheet music when he comes behind me and puts his hands on my shoulders, trying to massage them. I move so that he is no longer touching me, and go and sit behind the piano. I had been trying to print out the song in a different key but abandoned that when he touched me. The keyboard was on a stand that had a space at the bottom that my feet often went through. I told Mr. X to give me just one moment so I could transpose the song by hand while sitting at the keyboard.

When I looked down to write, he pulled off my shoe and started kissing my foot.

Kissing my foot.

It felt like it happened in the blink of an eye and also in slow motion. I just felt sheer panic and also frozen in place. It was as if I was locked in my head banging to get out and my body wasn't getting the message.

I pulled my foot back and told him our lesson was over. I told him I would get the music to him by email, walked over to the door opened it so it was between he and I until he walked out. I locked the door behind him.

Then I just stood there. What had just happened? How did that happen? Why did I feel so disgusting? Was that my fault? Did I invite that some how? What if he had tried to push that further? Could I have defended myself? I felt like someone had just invaded my body, my space and my trust. How do you fix that?

Assault doesn't always present itself as someone physically bruising you, or hurting your body. Assault is when someone invades your person, uninvited and leaves a permanent scar, physically or mentally.

I didn't teach him again.