Dear Social Anxiety
Dear social anxiety,
You don’t understand. I’m ALL alone. You make me feel I am not worthy enough, you break me down so much that I start to isolate myself from the rest of the crowd. I hide. Because I simply feel like I look weird, or I’ll say the wrong thing. I’m so afraid of the opinions of others that I don’t put myself in a place to get criticized. I walk with my head down, not wanting to make eye contact with people. I leave events early, so I can go home, and feel safe. I get nervous when doing little things. Why? Why am I so worried about what others say and feel about me? This is a disease. A disease that NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE should have to live with. I just want to find a cure. I feel alone and scared, scared to be left behind. Why must I feel this way? Haven’t I suffered enough? There are so many people who want to be there for me. I can see in their faces, but somehow I tell myself that people don’t care about me. Sometimes, I feel like I will never change. I feel like I’m going to be in this empty spot forever. An empty spot in a huge world like termites to humans. I feel dead inside, because I want something more than this life. I want happiness. I want to be loved. I want a cure. I NEED a cure. Why can’t you leave me alone? Why can’t you let me be happy? Why do you constantly make me feel like a small spec of nothing? NOTHING. I’m so used to being judged the moment somebody lays their eyes on me. “She’s a bitch,” “I don’t like her.”