alexis! :-D

Rambles

I figure I should introduce myself. My name is Alexis, and while many people in my life view me as an optimistic, hardworking person, down inside I'm pretty worn out. I don't want anyone to take me writing this as a call for help, or anything of the sort, rather I just want to speak my mind to people in a community of people that I don't know, and who don't know me. As of late, I have come to realize I have this super fun and exciting thing that many may call "high functioning depression." What it is is pretty self explanatory—I can go to work, or school, or deal with any other mandatory daily things just fine, but once I get home I just feel lost. It's as though a vampire sucked all the soul and willpower out of me. I tell myself, "Alright Alexis, you should probably brush your teeth, maybe clean your room or make dinner." But at this point I hardly see any point to besides the fact that everyone else does. I live in such a constant state of "why bother" that it's simply beginning to fog my mind. I had a panic attack at work that got so intense and hard to control that I had to be sent to the hospital for it. I'll feel completely drained of all energy simply by making my bed in the morning. Now, I know what some of you may be thinking: "they're such simple tasks, just do them and you'll be fine." Yeah, sure, because it's that easy. For many people with mental illnesses, these seemingly simple tasks become super daunting and don't become so simple anymore but rather take every ounce of your being to do so. It even begins to go beyond that.