Jennifer Veal

Living with a Monster

It creeps up on your thoughts. Out of nowhere you're in a panic of fear. You're hands begin to sweat, you're feeling light-headed and nauseous, you're legs weaken and you begin to shake, you're body is so hot, like a fire that was lit from the inside. You feel like you're dying. In your mind, you are dying. If you're near other people you try to hide so no one can see you fight the monster. The embarrassment alone is enough for your anxiety attack not to leave you. You to talk to the monster and negotiate on why you don't need to go into this attack. Your mind is consumed with hundreds of thoughts you have no control over. Trying to convince that part of you that everything is okay, you are not dying. This is just another attack that you will live through. You're heart is pounding through your chest. So fast and so hard, you can't breathe. You feel like you're about to pass out. You desperately search for your safety. A person that you trust, a pill, a glass of wine, peeing out the poison of the monster, breathing cold air from the freezer, taking a hot bath, curling into a ball in a secluded area. Any routine that has worked before, you try again. You cry in fear. Fear of what though? Do you have an exact reason for the fear?