Renee Knadler
Bio
I wish the waves would carry me into the deep,
away from this evil place,
away from never ending pain, away from toxic heartache.
Stories (4/0)
How Can I?
It's not easy for me to be nice to you, to ask if you need anything. My whole life I grew up with you telling me I was worthless, lazy, a bitch, a cunt, a whore, telling me I am going to grow up to be just like my birth-mother. I went through my childhood wondering what I ever did to get treated so damn dirty by someone who is supposed to love me and protect me. You were the one who took me in when my own birth parents did not want to be parents. It was not easy living with you. Words hurt and do cause pain, they can cut so deep you think you wont be able to stop the bleeding. All the times I took a blade to my skin I was trying to release the agony and pain I still feel to this day.
By Renee Knadler5 years ago in Psyche
Midnight Thoughts
Some live, some die, but to be dead while alive means to live without life. Midnight Thoughts! From the start I knew you were wrong for me, the secret that I couldn’t keep. Every day you laugh at me, while I sit in pain, crying, trying to find a way to break free. These thoughts in my head keep a hold of me. I am dying on the inside, but that is what you’ve always wanted of me. The more I allow you to take from me, the more you damage my self-esteem. You tell me no one cares, and you’re the only one for me. You have promised to never leave and you have proven that enough already. You cause the most destruction but yet you are only what I have created.
By Renee Knadler6 years ago in Poets
My Depression
I wrote your name on a bullet, so everyone would know, you were the last thing that I finally let go. My Depression My depression has this hold of me that will not let me go. I fight with myself every second of everyday just trying to live. That voice tells me their is no point anymore, why even try. Yeah, I got people that would be destroyed if I ended my life, does anyone know how I feel living through another day. No, no one understands how I’m feeling, no one can feel this pain, no one knows the thoughts that run through my head, no one can feel how dead I feel inside. Yes I put on a wonderful act, that’s just because it's easier to say I'm okay instead of trying to explain what's wrong. How can I even explain something I’m still trying to understand. I fight a war inside my head every damn day, one side telling me to kill myself, another one saying just sleep all day, one telling me to pick up the blade and make us happy like I always used to do, another one telling me to pop the top of the pills and take every last one of them, another one telling me to just walk away. So many voices in my head and I am tired of trying to shut them all out. How can I ask someone to help me quite these voices, when I'm the only one who can hear them? All of the voices are me, they are a part of the whole that makes me, me. I don't wanna fight anymore and I don’t wanna cry anymore, I'm done with these damn voices taking over my mind. People tell me I'm strong and can make it out of this, well it's been long enough and I’m done. Why would anyone wanna stay somewhere where you just feel like dying all the damn time. It sounds so much better to not have to fight anymore, to not have to hear the voices anymore, to not hurt anymore, to not cry anymore, no more sleepless nights, no more numbness, no more questions, no more anything, to just be no more, to be gone, and away from it all, it sounds so much better than me having to deal with all this shit going on with me.
By Renee Knadler6 years ago in Poets
