Fearing Death...
Have you ever feared death, but wanted it at the same time?
At one point in my life, I didn’t exactly fear the idea of death. I was so depressed that the thought of dying wasn’t a big fear of mine at all. I constantly have the fear of someone I love, or am close to, dying suddenly. This thought for anyone is not pleasant. I get more anxiety over the thoughts of someone else dying rather than myself. Recently, I found out one of my old friends had gotten shot to death. The only thing I could feel coursing through my body was not that of sadness, but rather how getting shot to death would feel. I know, who would think this, right? The things I felt during this time seemed very unnatural. I imagined various scenarios of me dying, including that of getting shot. It made me want to experience what he felt. Granted, the result of the experience would be me lying in a coffin, six feet under the ground, or being the ashes in an urn placed courteously on a mantle.