Being an Introvert

My childhood wasn't like yours. It wasn't easy growing up, especially when you're the kind of person to be so reserved.

With an introvert personality, it's hard to live in a world full of extroverts.

It wasn't easy going to school and making friends. Friends? What are they? How do you make friends?

I never used to speak at all, I was so closed in, I didn't even talk to the teachers, in fact, I barely even spoke to my parents or siblings.

The way an introvert individual comes across to all those extroverts is as 'stuck up or 'rude'. This isn't the case at all, it's just being an introvert is the most difficult thing ever because you're so closed in that if there is any opportunity available for you, you just don't take it because you're scared or you don't talk to people because you don't know how to start a conversation or you don't talk to people because you're afraid they won't like you.

You're so closed in that you just start to enjoy your own company.

Family Events

It wasn't easy going to these events. Although I knew each and every person at these events, I was just never comfortable enough to talk to them.

I believe the only people I actually spoke to were probably my siblings and mother and the only thing I said to them was "When are we going home?" or "How long left till we go home?" I never wanted to go to these events, they used to scare me. I was afraid. Now you'll ask me, "What were you afraid was going to happen?" And to be quite honest with you, I'm not quite sure myself. I don't know what I was afraid of... At these events or whatever you want to call them, I used to see all these relatives laughing...were they laughing at me? Or were they laughing because they were having a good time? I don't know. Regardless, I felt shitty.

At these events, there were big personalities, there were all these people who were not afraid. They spoke their minds and laughed so loud, you probably could hear them outside. Being around such people just made me feel unwanted, and too be honest, I just don't think I fit well with all these extroverts.

Going out in Public

So basically, I never used to go out, ever. If I did decide to go out, I'd stay in the car or because I lived with my mother, father, and siblings, I'd go out with them because they were the only people I found comfort in. They were the only ones I would be okay with.

I remember this day very vividly, I was going out with my mother to the local town/mall (whatever you guys call it) and we went to get some clothes for myself and the siblings. We went to a few stores and whatever store I went to, I felt awkward. I felt as if everybody was watching me, just me and, because of course they were talking amongst themselves, my mind had forced to me believe that everybody was talking about me. I would lower my gaze and I wouldn't even look up until I left the store.

At this point in time, I didn't even know if it was my introverted personality that had me thinking some insane things.

I guess at this point I believe it wasn't just my introverted personality. I had gotten social anxiety. I hated interacting with others. I hated going out. I hated being around people. I was scared of being judged.

Even at the family events, it wasn't my introverted personality, it was clearly social anxiety.

I guess that's life of an introvert with social anxiety.