Being an Introvert

I’m going to start off with a pretty simple question… how much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice—Hi, my name’s Haley. You see being an introvert resorts to weird questions, subtle clearings of the throat, or maybe some readjustments in a chair that to some extroverts may seem rather strange or conspicuous. It all started when I moved from California to Florida my summer leading into sophomore year. I was very much an extrovert that would talk to all walks of life: from the jocks, to the nerds, to the cliques, you name it. When we moved across the entire US from coast to coast I internalized my voice and found this huge weight upon my shoulders. Oh no, you can’t smile too much then it looks like you actually want to be in school, but wait you have to smile or else you’ll have this natural bitch face that everyone thinks you don’t want to talk to them and are angry at the world.

One, I love talking to people.

“Siri, how do you ask a cute person out on a date?”

“Sorry Haley, I can’t find anything on ‘how do you ask a cute person out on a date?’”

Dammit, so play it cool and casual. You know all the shit that goes on in school you’ve got this. Why yes, we are the ones who hear your sob stories while you are drunk at parties. We are the ones who hear much of every drama there is to know about who’s going out with who, and you knew about John sleeping with Nicole but didn’t think of telling me?

Two, you may not even know you are talking to an introvert, so how do you really know you are? If a person puts their hand on your shoulder and engages in the conversation out of nowhere, probably not an introvert. A person talking about the weather and how classes are going in mid-August when people don’t want to be talking about such things—probably not an introvert.

Three, extroverts may become frustrated when talking to introverts because we are so deep in thought, or the world is so fucking loud that our minds can’t stop thinking and we lose what we want to say. Just because I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve for the rest of the world to see doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t beat as hard and strong as yours. Please don’t mistake the sound of my heart to the beautiful music of conversation, and just because I don’t enjoy small talk doesn’t mean I don’t have big things to say and huge goals I want to achieve. Don’t mistake the stillness of my lips and the peace I find in myself an answer to me not wanting to love because four, us introverts sometimes are hard at breaking the ice and tend to do things that resort to weird questions, and readjustments in a chair to writing this poem just to say five, I like scrolling through Tumblr and finding funny puppy videos on Facebook.

Six, I love talking to people, but the world can be so loud sometimes that you just have to wait and let the apathetic rhythm of your heart beat at 70 bpm and enjoy the subtle quietness until the words leave my mouth, and we finally have a conversation. Seven, introverts have a hard time sometimes learning how to break the ice, so I was wondering, how much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice—Hi my name’s Haley.