Being with Someone with Depression

I will start off by saying that this is my experience and that this may not be everyone's experience, but I'm writing this for therapy reasons and just to share. So I will insert a trigger warning here for those of you who are triggered by suicide or depression; this post is not suitable for you.

I will start this off by saying do not assume that someone is suicidal if they have depression and don't assume that suicide is how their story will end. Also, don't assume that they will self harm. People can live years with depression without even thinking about suicide or self harm. It's not just depressed people who self harm or commit suicide, sometimes it's stress or another disease.

I met my current guy two years ago off a dating app, and on the first date, he told me that he had depression. I didn't know what to expect, so I decided to see where it went. Things went well for a while, and then a few months into dating, he attempted suicide. It was the scariest night of my life, I didn't know who to call or what to do at this point. All I knew was I was scared and my guy needed help. He later got help at a local hospital psychology ward. This wasn't the first time he had attempted suicide, but it was the first one since we were together.

Our mental health status has been the biggest problem that has been going on our whole relationship. I have anxiety and he has a type of depression. His depression makes me anxious, especially if he goes silent with no warning. There have been times that he will talk about death or dying, he will also talk about suicide or not wanting medical help so that he will just die. Him talking about death or dying is the most common occurrence, so is him talking badly about himself.

If you have anxiety, I would not recommend dating someone who has depression and have suicidal pasts. But what we have to remember is not every person is the same, and every person's depression or anxiety is not the same. I just know a lot of people with anxiety may not do well with depressed or suicidal people.

Another thing is some people can get mean when their depression hits. They may even forget that it should be about you sometimes. They get so in their funk that they can only see them and their problems. It's nothing personal, it's just how their depression works. Some people may never get so bad where they get mean, but they may still suffer in a different way.

I think we fail to see that depression is a disease that kills people when left untreated. We focus on smoking and obesity, but forget about the brain. Our mental health system is broken and I hope it will be fixed. I also understand that some people don't ever reach out and some don't even think they need help. There are some people who are addicted to pain, so they don't get help.

If you are with someone who has depression, you don't have to do it alone, you can get help and support. Encourage them to get help and never feel guilty about walking away. Walking away, taking breaks, and taking personal days are needed to help with your mental health. People don't understand that you can't be strong for them if you are not taking care of yourself.

Be patient and understanding with them. Also, know there is difference between meanness caused by depression and abuse. Know your limits and let them know you understand but there are limits; but do it nicely. It's not a bad thing to have limits, it makes you human and it protects you (and your mental health).

I think some people with depression date so they won't be alone, either because they are scared of what they may do or their depression won't let them be alone. There are others that don't date because they (or their depression) has convinced them that they are unworthy of love. They may also be convinced that no one will love them or anyone with depression.

Moral of this post is take care of yourself and others, but also be kind and understanding. Don't assume anything about anyone's mental health or where it will lead.