Beware: the Narcissism Bandwagon

Madonna, Kanye West, Miley Cyrus, Donald Trump…if you're active on social media, you will have read, at some point, that the one thing all these celebrities have in common is that they're all narcissists. And, according to many relationship-and-love-focused social media pages and blogs, narcissists are everywhere, and you have probably known or even been in a romantic relationship with one. But the truth of the matter is that none of these celebrities and, very likely, no one you have met, is truly a narcissist. While they may have narcissistic traits, they don't exhibit “high narcissism,” “malignant narcissism,” or “Narcissistic Personality Disorder.”

The alleged narcissism epidemic can be traced back to recent Hollywood productions and streaming movie services that have produced fictitious films and multi-season television series starring their own versions of narcissists. A simple Google search of “famous fictional narcissists” reveals a whole slew of them, ranging from Patrick Bateman in American Psycho and Catherine Tramell in Basic Instinct to Tony Soprano, Dexter and even Daffy Duck; and, perhaps, the most infamous of all fictional narcissists: Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs.

One problem that movies and TV shows (as well as novels, for that matter) inherently cause is that many of us often forget that, even if a story is based on reality, it is fiction; as in not real or merely untrue. This aspect of the entertainment industry comes into play when we seek out the true definition of a narcissist.

The aforementioned social media pages and blogs would have all of us believe that a narcissist exhibits numerous behaviors and beliefs that nearly all of us display at some point(s) in our lives. One social media page, which boasts over 300,000 followers, makes the claim that a narcissist will exhibit all of the following personality characteristics:

• They are self-absorbed and monopolize conversations so that the focus is always on them;
• They do not tolerate other viewpoints and can become abusive when confronted with different perspectives;
• They need constant validation from the world around them;
• They pursue validation, attention, admiration, prestige and success;
• They believe they are entitled to special treatment;
• They believe deserve the best, regardless of cost;
• They may donate to a charity only to feel good about themselves;
• They will not take responsibility for their wrong-doings;
• They will not provide support for others;
• It's always their way or the highway;
• They are compulsive liars;
• They create drama
• Etc., etc., etc.

The list would have us believe it is seemingly endless, and what should be really frightening about this is that someone who does exhibit some of these traits may not be narcissistic at all.

According to a 2016 report by Psychology Today, true narcissists constitute a mere one percent of the total population. In the United States, which has a population of just over 300 million, the estimated number of truly malignant narcissists is just three million; about the total population of Chicago. If those three million narcissists were spread evenly throughout the lower 48 states, that would put 62,500 narcissists in each state; about 40,000 people less than live in Davenport, Iowa.

Putting that into perspective, 30 percent of Americans have had at least one alcohol-use disorder (alcoholism), according to a 2016 report in Newsweek. And a 2015 government report said that nearly 25 percent (one-fourth) of the US population used drugs. That's 100 million alcoholics and 75 million drug users who could all just as easily exhibit exactly the same characteristics as true narcissists.

Furthermore, other mental illnesses and personality disorders include narcissistic-like symptoms. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM V), the reference book from which psychiatrists diagnose patients, indicates that people with Borderline Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia, and Bipolar Disorder (manic depression) can include narcissistic traits; all of which, when combined, are more common than true narcissism. For example, like narcissism, one percent of Americans have Bipolar Disorder, and one percent of Americans are Schizophrenic; a total of around six million other Americans that have mental illnesses containing a narcissistic component, who are not true narcissists.

So, what are the characteristics of a true narcissist? In order to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a patient must consistently exhibit five or more of the following criteria (from the DSM-IV):

• Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements);
• Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love;
• Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions);
• Requires excessive admiration;
• Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations;
• Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends;
• Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others;
• Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her;
• Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

This certainly doesn't mean that everyone who exhibits five or more of these behaviors absolutely is a narcissist, but it has been this list to which an educated psychiatrist would refer when making their diagnosis.

Additionally, it's important to deeply consider the implications of each characteristic. Does a person require excessive admiration, or are they merely a people pleaser? Do they lack empathy, or do they lack remorse? Do they have a grandiose sense of importance, or are their achievements actually impressive? And, especially in the United States, aren't we all, to some extent, expected to aspire to goals including success, power, brilliance, beauty, and ideal love?

So be careful when surfing the memes and memos of self-help, psychology, and relationship articles online, because the chances of you actually knowing a truly-malignant narcissist in your lifetime are actually fairly slim. The person you think is a narcissist is more than likely just selfish and abusive for other reasons, and even knowing that should help you sleep a little better tonight.

Regardless of a person's psychiatric diagnosis, if you feel you (or someone you know) are being abused physically, mentally or psychologically, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (US).