"Bipolar is Just an Excuse"

If you read that in an obnoxious and snarky voice, chances are you agree with me when I say that bipolar disorder is very real and not an excuse at all. I feel as if people that claim that it’s an excuse are either ignorant or have had negative experiences with people that aren’t even suffering from this illness.

I may be biased in my opinions on bipolar disorder. About two years ago, I was misdiagnosed with depression and only after a year did my doctor correct himself and diagnose me with bipolar disorder type 2. Now, I was never skeptical on the existence of bipolar disorder and I did know quite a lot about the illness, but I was skeptical that I had it. That was until I started to notice those hyper-manic episodes that were a unique part of bipolar disorder. So, in the spirit of eliminating mental health stigma, I will be discussing what bipolar disorder is and how it looks in real life.

What is Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder that causes extreme lows and extreme highs. The extreme lows are called “depressive episodes” while the extreme highs are called “manic or hyper-manic episodes.” It isn’t what they depict in movies. In movies, bipolar is depicted as intense mood swings that occur rapidly, sometimes within minutes. But episodes usually happen longer than a few minutes and many times go into weeks. There are stable periods and just because someone with bipolar is doing alright, does not mean that they don’t have bipolar anymore or never had it at all. The important thing to note, is that bipolar disorder cannot be cured. It can be treated, but it is a lifelong affliction.

There are many types of bipolar disorder but the two main ones are type 1 and type 2.

Bipolar Disorder Type 1 and 2: The Difference

Bipolar type 1 has depressive episodes that may last about two weeks and manic episodes that last for a similar amount of time. Roughly, someone with bipolar type 1 will be depressed about 50% of the time, manic for about 25% of the time and stable for about 25% of the time. Type 1 is often called the more severe of the two types since they experience full blown manic episodes in which they might act irrationally, whereas type 2 only has hyper-manic episodes.

Bipolar type 2, as I mentioned, doesn’t have manic episodes, but instead they have hyper-manic episodes which are not as extreme. A manic episode may cause a person to spend money they don’t have, do things they usually wouldn’t do and feel like they can do anything. This can ruin their life. A hyper-manic episode is definitely milder in this case. In a hyper-manic episode, a person may feel similar but they still have the rational thoughts that prevent them from ruining their lives. What most people don’t know is that someone with bipolar type 2 only has a hyper-manic episode for a few hours. Roughly, someone with bipolar type 2 will be depressed 90% of the time and the remaining 10% is split evenly between being hyper-manic and stable. Another thing that most people don’t know is that the depressive episodes for someone with bipolar type 2 are much worse than someone with bipolar type 1.

I wouldn’t say that either of the types are more severe or milder. Each has their downfalls. I believe the real difference is that type 1 leans more towards the manic side whereas type 2 leans more to the depressive side.

The Stigma

The stigma for bipolar disorder is very different from the stigma surrounding the other mental illnesses I have discussed in previous articles. We get stigma from all sides.

Those that don’t live with bipolar disorder get all their information from how it is depicted in movies and books. Many of those resources are inaccurate. They think that we are jerks using our illness as an excuse. That isn’t how it works.

Those that live with bipolar type 2 get the most stigma. Not only do we deal with the stigma caused by inaccurate depictions of bipolar disorder in the media, but we also have to deal with stigma from those living with bipolar type 1. They refer to type 2 as the milder bipolar and may even discredit our experiences because they don’t think we’re really living with bipolar.

In Real Life

I have bipolar disorder type 2. That means that I’m depressed almost all the time. That is why I got misdiagnosed. My hyper-manic episodes weren’t a problem to me before because I just thought I was having a good day. I thought that I was just inspired. I thought that I was just angry. I didn’t see the problem until my doctor pointed it out in the midst of a rare hyper-manic episode.

Let’s talk about the depressive episodes. It is everything that depression is. It is crushing. I can’t bring myself to do anything. I can barely write, which is my passion. I feel so heavy. I feel worthless. It is awful. No one should have to feel like that. If you would like to know more about depression, I wrote a whole article on both depression and anxiety.

The hyper-manic episodes. They are amazing. At least they feel amazing. I feel inspired and up for anything. I want to do everything. Sometimes I do things that are dangerous, but the thought of getting hurt doesn’t even cross my mind. I feel energized, which is very rare for me. I do irrational things that I usually wouldn’t do. But it isn’t all rainbows. I make a mess, and I mean a huge mess. It’s a mess that when I finally come down from the hyper-manic, I’m too depressed to clean. I’m hardly ever stable enough to clean without breaking into tears or getting distracted. I can never tell if a decision or idea is real or just the hyper-mania. And I can’t sleep. At all.

The sleep wasn’t always a problem. The episodes usually didn’t last long enough for me to miss a night’s worth of sleep. But then suddenly they did. They always come at night and they stay until early in the morning. Then a mixed episode follows.

Mixed episodes are a whole different kind of hell. The simplest way to explain it is this; you want to do everything, you need to do everything but you can’t. Your limbs feel heavy and you just feel so uncomfortable. You want to sleep it off but you can’t sleep. It’s wanting to do everything but not being able to do anything.

So, bipolar isn’t an excuse. We don’t use it to excuse being jerks. Sometimes we literally can’t contain ourselves. We blurt things without thinking. We get angry for no reason. But know this. We don’t mean to. We know what we’re doing isn’t right, even if we don’t know it at the moment. And it is very real. Sometimes we tell you because we want you to know that we can’t contain it all the time. We want you to know so that you don’t hate us when we do get out of control.

We are not our illness.

We are people.