Psyche logo

Books That Have Helped Me During Depression

Stories that gave me insight and relief.

By Alicia BrunskillPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
Like
Photo by Pixabay.com from Pexels

Most of the books that have struck a chord with me during bouts of deep depression have done so because the ruling emotion (or sensation) I was feeling from the disorder was present in that book. I couldn’t read anything else or engage with it as deeply. It was a way for me to explore what I was feeling through someone else’s situation, before seeing it there in my own life.

I think when I’m reading books in this state of feeling depression so keenly, I’m looking for answers more than ever. Therefore, I examine scenes in the books over and over and wonder why they resonate so much with me. I wonder, what has happened to make me feel so connected to this book?

'The World in the Evening' by Christopher Isherwood

I identified mainly with the sense of being in a world in which you don’t belong and nostalgia for a past you can’t regain. To a lesser degree, ideas of just going along with life and for a way out of my situation. I first read this book when I lived in London in my mid-twenties and have read it many times since.

I love how the descriptions in this book take you away from where you are so completely and linger with you; tastes, sounds, sights and touch. I reach for this book when I need to get away from the present to somewhere that is at times pleasant, at times sad, but at least it has feeling.

The 'Harry Potter' Series by J.K. Rowling

I started reading this series at seventeen. I found it full of all the emotions I had forgotten how to feel or name in myself. For years the descriptions and dialogues in these books helped me to begin reconnecting with emotion and to remember that I did feel.

'La lluvia de Ionah' by Santiago Pajares

Photo by Pixabay.com from Pexels

While reading this book I had a general feeling that existing is just so hard, that doing the basics are mammoth tasks. Doing basic tasks really were herculean tasks in this story.

The title means Ionah’s Rain or literally The Rain of Ionah. The book describes an apocalyptic world, you meet a character in the beginning who has not seen rain and who lives in a desert with his mother catching lizards to survive. I read this in the original Spanish.

I enjoy reading in foreign languages anyway, but sometimes I just can’t read books in English as they feel too closed off or unemotional. I discovered on my year abroad during my degree, that when you speak a foreign language you are still you, but a different version of you. I find this also true of reading in foreign languages. This different me is a way to escape one level further away from where I am than if I were to read in English.

'The Shadow of the Wind' by Carlos Ruiz Zafón

I read this as a teenager, probably between seventeen and nineteen. I didn’t speak Spanish at this point, so I read it in English. The appeal came from the dark, secretive tone to the story. I didn’t talk to anyone about quite how low I felt at this point in my life, so the idea of hidden misery seemed to fit my mood.

'Ender’s Game' by Orson Scott Card

This is another book that I read in my mid-twenties while living in London. It was the isolation of the main character that spoke to me this time as well as the constant decision-making, fear of failure and pressure to be what people had seen in you.

In addition, the protagonist experienced a lot of exhaustion and sleep-deprivation, which certainly resonated with me at that point in my life.

'The Radleys' by Matt Haig

This was one of the first books I read as an eBook, entirely on my phone. I have always been a night-owl, finding it difficult to go to sleep before midnight and consequently finding it difficult to get up with the larks.

At the time of reading this I kept hours more suited to a vampire than a human being. I felt a bit like the Radleys; trying to fool the people around me into thinking I was just like them but in reality, I felt like I was waiting to be found out as some kind of monster or fraud.

'La Nostalgie Heureuse' by Amélie Nothomb

Photo by Rachel Xiao from Pexels

The title of this book means Happy Nostalgia or Happy Memories as the title is translated for the English version. I like Happy Nostalgia better as a translation because I identified with the idea of a longing for happy memories from the past, tinged with the sadness that they can never be relived but the joy that they happened in the first place. I don’t think Happy Memories gives the idea of longing or conflict of joy and sadness at once.

When I read this book I was feeling this conflict of emotions and, having read Nothomb’s other books relating to Japan, I felt as though I was walking down a memory-lane of emotions with her; relating her experiences to similar ones in my own life.

Is it just identifying with a theme?

No, although it can feel relieving to feel understood, it’s more than that for me. When I’m feeling very low and a book manages to find me (it always feels like it seeks me out) I’m usually comforted in some way. I feel less alone, I know that someone else has felt the way I feel.

At other times I’ve found insight into my disorder, or wisdom in dealing with others but above all, I find escape, however brief, from the dark places my head takes me.

list
Like

About the Creator

Alicia Brunskill

Alicia writes about her experiences with anxiety and depression, teaching and learning languages, education and cats. She also shares her poetry and fiction from time to time.

Find her on Twitter: @aliciabrunskill

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.