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Box of Needles

Depression

By Hanan AlghamdiPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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I remember how school life was for me. I was bullied for my looks, which I understand why; I didn’t have any points of beauty, according to them. My hair was a mess always, although I tried to fix it, but it never worked. My clothes were not as expensive as theirs. I don’t deserve fancy clothes if I don’t know how to fashion myself up anyways. They used to call me naked, because I never wore, or owned, accessories to wear, like they did. The more they put on, the more popular they became. I felt like I was trapped in a small box full of needles. If you move you will be poked. They hurt. But I managed to stay still as possible so I could finish school and start a new fresh life. Everyone hates becoming an adult, not me. It’s my salvation. I am sure that when I grow up and take responsibilities, everyone will look at me differently; I will be respected.

Ah, adulthood. I was waiting for you. I found a job, which I enjoy doing. A sweet partner to complain to, I think. I am still trying to figure out what partners do in someone’s life. I watched movies, I read love books. But I still can’t find out what to do exactly. He is patient with me. He never rushed into anything, except when he proposed. I did feel the rush, but I was not sure if this feeling was because of the proposal or being married before my 30s. I didn’t mind it really. We had our wedding and it was not as big as I wanted it to be. Well, that’s what people prefer and talk about, an out of this world huge wedding. After the wedding, we got back to the same as we were before. Nothing changed much. Except the family’s interferences. Well, I thought they were at the time. Whenever we host our in-lows, I get a bit shaky. Do they scare me? Why do they? It never stopped. I tried to explain it to myself, calm myself down but I could not. Eventually, it hit me. I am being bullied again. I noticed it first when one of the in-lows pointed out that my hair is grey and I should hide it, my hair was getting grey and I am not in over 30 years old, but it never bothered me, I liked how it looked on me. With time I noticed more, how I should be dressed, well my sense in fashion is still the same. My partner never noticed it. How my house should be, I thought I had everything I needed in our home, but they started offering advices on how to improve some areas. How my relationship with my partner should look, his parents wanted me to show how much we love each other; they wanted to see if I was worthy of their son. I can’t help but wonder why this is happening. Why do people keep hurting each other? Do they intend it? Do they not see it? What if I did the same? What will it make them feel like? How can I be like them and hurt others so easily?

Suddenly, I woke up one morning and I was back in the box of needles. This time the box was a bit bigger. It had more needles though. And the new thing I found in the box was a small beam of light. I don’t know why it’s there, but I am grateful for it. It helps me to see the needles and avoid them this time. So, it won't hurt as much as it did before. I don’t know why I am back here. I don’t know if I should get out or stay.

depression
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About the Creator

Hanan Alghamdi

Hi everyone, I just started writing after a long pause. I aim to develop my writing skills, so don't be shy to comment what's in your mind about my stories.

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