Cloudless Night

​I never expected myself to ever be capable of saving a life.

I tread through the suburban forest, mud slapping against my rain boots on my way back from Powaonhook Beach. More of a dirty mixture of mud, sand and the occasional raccoon rummaging for food scraps than a beach; nevertheless, this is where I went to lay down on a picnic table and open my eyes to catch all the lights sprinkled across the sky.

I’m glad it was a cloudless night.

Quite the strange sight it is to see a kid my age spilling tears over the ledge of a bridge listening to "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin at 2:34 AM on an empty, isolated night.

​I ask how he is feeling. He tells me how both his parents died of drug overdose two days ago, how he was in major debt from all the alcohol his empty wallet couldn’t supply, and how his girlfriend left him because of his major depression. I realize I am the only person on the Earth at that moment that can provide him with any kind of help. I had the thread wrapped around my finger, and he was holding onto it.

“That’s a beautiful song you’re playing.”

“I’m glad it’s the last song I get to hear…” he tells me with a sigh that could drown out a child’s laughter with its grief.

​But a connection was made. The negative electrons surrounding a positive atomic nucleus are by nature repulsive towards each other; however, when the atoms click in the right place, one of the strongest bonding forces in the universe are put into play.

​I didn’t want to ask about school in order to avoid a potential soft spot so I asked him to list out his favorite subjects. I stopped him at “astronomy.”

​“Look” I said as I pointed to the sky dotted with twinkling white specks. ​

​He laughed. It was a cold laugh that echoed with hopelessness.

​“These stars are insignificant. If one of them were to die, we would not notice for there are so many of them out there, just like that one Christmas tree bulb that dies but doesn’t affect the appearance of the tree. I am but a solitary star.”

“But you aren’t a star. You are a whole galaxy. Every star that makes up this galaxy is unique. Every single atom that constitutes both you and those stars are unique. You exist on the same four-dimensional plane as this galaxy. You exist. You are alive. Your heartbeat pumping life through you right now is proof. However, you are a faulty galaxy. You are spinning these horrible thoughts into your head and around yourself, and not rotating the beautiful luminescent lights that you can show off to the entire universe. Stop looking at your feet and start looking at the stars. You can always reach for them. If not, then you’ll at least grab some clouds while you’re up there my friend.”

​I didn’t notice the steady flow of tears escaping his eyes, but before I knew it I was embraced in a tight hug. He stepped off the ledge.

​I learned something I will never forget that night. No matter how turbulent the waters of life’s rivers are, you are the one sitting in the kayak, and you and only you are the one who has the power to paddle away from the worst streams leading to rocky waterfalls and bump others’ boats in the right direction. As I stood there on the ledge next to him, I looked back to my own demons plaguing me. I looked back at the sky and thought to myself, it is time that I too reached for those stars. And maybe, just maybe, somewhere along the way I could catch a few clouds of my own.

I’m glad it was a cloudless night.