Convulsive Seizures and Mental Health in the Workplace

Convulsive Seizures and Mental Health in the Workplace and School

This is for all those people out there who really want to work, but are too sick. When you have a disability, it becomes all too depressing when you ultimately either lose your job or have to quit. Even when you just hated the job you had to quit, there’s a certain somber feeling on it, because you didn’t really choose that path, you had to. You start losing opportunities other people have that they don’t want, even complain about, like driving and working, and sometimes, just admit it, you hate them for it. This is my story.

I have had epilepsy for 11 years now, since I was 13, and in school, I guess I didn’t think much on it. I still lived my life how I wanted to, and did stupid things I should have known not to do. I overlooked the impact this would have on my adult life, because back then, I didn’t have to make money. I didn’t have to find a ride to the grocery store or figure the bus schedules out. My parents did those things for me. I recall once when I lived back east, I felt a seizure coming on, the aura, as us epileptics call it, and I immediately called my dad to drive over and pick me up, because I was alone and there was a snowstorm. Well, I fell into a Gran Mal seizure before he could get the information on where I was out of me. After my seizures, it takes about an hour for me to really come back to things around me, so I woke up buried in snow from this storm terrified.

That was the first time it really started to sink in that I had epilepsy. The first time it sank in that this was going to change my life completely and I couldn’t just go doing what everyone else did. I couldn’t go out for walks in snowstorms by myself. I could go through the grocery store alone. I couldn’t be alone in public without scaring the living hell out of people if I were to have a seizure. Not to mention the hefty bill for having the panicked people calling an ambulance every single time I had a seizure and back then that was a lot. I had to be more careful than others, and I think this drove my anxiety way up. I really started to fear, having this disability. I realized after waking up covered in snow, that this was dangerous and I could have easily been in the middle of the street when that happened.

Well, I ended up getting the Gran Mals under control, and that improved my life by a whole metric crap ton. So, I got a job. The only problem, I had mental illnesses that I refused to even acknowledge I had. This was when I was 18 and I’m 24 now, and now is the only time I’ve recently begun to acknowledge that there is and always has been a very real problem. Denial is a really powerful drug. When you’re on denial, you don’t realize that your depression and anxiety and whatever it was that was going on with you had already made you attempt suicide once. You don’t even realize that this wasn’t normal, because to you, those thoughts were always there lingering around the back of your head. I always had some other excuse for everything, and to this day I’ve still not gone and gotten proper therapy.

Why haven’t I gotten the help I obviously need? When it’s so painstakingly obvious to everyone around me that I need help that it always seems like I’m on drugs or I’m going through something at home, and none of that is the case at all. Why haven’t I gotten help? Well, I certainly know it for one was that I didn’t want that label. You guys know that label. The one that says crazy and stay away and beware of this one. She’s broken. These are stigmas society needs to fix socially. I’ve seen people with mental illnesses get better in therapy. I’ve seen them persevere and become amazing, successful people. I’ve also seen the opposite though, in this society where going to a therapist can be completely frowned upon. I’ve watched people worsen in mental health while refusing therapy or medications that might help saying only crazy people need to go to a therapist. That’s not true. Everyone could benefit from having a therapist. Even therapists have therapists they talk to.

Everyone has things that they go through in life, but some people need help getting through trauma. Some people need help getting the chemicals in their brain to run correctly because they were just born that way. I’m realizing myself lately that therapy is a thing I would benefit from, and don’t you guys worry, I’m getting things together right now to find one soon. My point with this post though is don’t judge people who aren’t working because of illnesses. I can pretty much assure you they have tried in some way shape or form to work. We all want money and we want to be successful. Hell, I’m trying right now to make money through the one thing I’ve always loved doing. Writing. I hope everyone has a beautiful, healthy, loving day.