Cruel Anxiety

Sometimes I find myself thinking why, why me? I bet if you suffer from anxiety you're constantly thinking the same thing. Why me? Why won't this just go away? Why can't I control this? You almost start to think your body and mind has betrayed you.

Living with anxiety is real. Living with anxiety is scary. There are people in this world who view anxiety as something that's not a big deal! Clearly they have never had an anxiety attack that makes them realize, wow this is no joke, this is actually really scary. Anxiety is an invisible mental illness.

I have had days where I will be perfectly content all day long and be in a wonderful mood, and then suddenly I feel this horrible feeling in my gut or I get this horrible tightening in my chest and it starts to take over. My body recognizes this; it's as if it's normal. Once my brain realizes this and notices the change in my breathing or the weird sense that the lighting in this world is dimming, my mind starts to take over. When this happens, when the human mind starts to take over is when it really gets scary. I don't know about you but the mind is such a powerful thing and once anxiety sneaks it's way into that beautiful mind of yours, things can get out of hand. Do you know what I mean, like when your mind starts racing? You try to focus on getting out of this attack and breaking it before it becomes a full blown panic attack, but you find yourself drifting. Drifting off to a place where all your scary and horrible thoughts live. Suddenly you can feel yourself falling into the devil's trap known as your own dark thoughts. Scary isn't it? Feeling like you can't breathe? Feeling like the whole entire world is about to collapse in front of your eyes, yeah I know that feeling.

Not all forms of anxiety are so severe, but that doesn't mean it should go unrecognized. Anxiety comes in all forms from OCD anxiety to just not wanting to leave your house and lay in bed all day because you don't want to go outside into this frightening world.

I have some advice for anyone who suffers from anxiety like I do no matter how moderate or severe it may be. I have found some things I have been able to use to my advantage to help me through my attacks.

1. Have someone you really trust be around/ or one call away.

With me that person is my boyfriend. When I'm having an anxiety attack, I will have him sit with me. Hold my hand, and just talk to me, or hug me. Try to get them to have a conversation with you to keep your mind away from drifting off and getting too much into your own head. Also someone like this can be helpful because you trust them, and know they wouldn't let anything bad happen to you, it's a comfort method.

2. Try arts and crafts or coloring.

You might think, oh I'm too old to color or, I don't have time for that, but in the moment when you are feeling anxious these things can actually really help. No, I'm not saying go buy a bunch of coloring books, but just have something handy, maybe something a little more complicated to work your brain and distract you. Word searches might help too.

3. Talk/or get it out.

If you're like me you like to bottle things up, you don't want people knowing what you go through, but at the same time you do. You want people to understand your pain; at times you think other people could never understand though. You're not alone. I suggest talking to someone (if you can). If you do not feel comfortable doing this, what I suggest is writing your feelings down, because maybe you don't want people knowing, but it helps get your emotions and fears out of your own head and lifts a little of the weight off your shoulders.

Sometimes anxiety attacks can be severe and you cannot keep them away always; in these moments no matter what you try nothing seems to help. I get that. I've been there, and still have my days like this. The key to anxiety and the worst part about it is being in your own head and letting your thoughts take over. If you can find a way to get out of your own head or keep yourself distracted when you feel an attack coming on, I can guarantee you some relief.