Dear Africans, Mental Health is a Thing

Dear Africans,

I write this with a heavy heart and as much as I know that mental health is a global issue, I write specifically to Africans because I am one and because I am familiar with the root cause of our issues considering the fact that most African nations tend to go through the same issues. Rwanda being my mother and father's home land, a country that has genocide tied to its history it is inevitable that there are numerous people living with wounds, nightmares, and places in their minds and hearts that have never been fully visited because of the sharp pain that resides there. However, it does not even need to take something as tragic as a genocide for one to be emotionally and mentally misplaced, it can be anything and it can happen to anyone.

We need to understand and admit that the human mind is fragile, we need to face the realities that come with being in a world that sets standards and expectations that have the ability to push us to our breaking points and as Africans who for centuries have been through and still go through various social issues, we have always tried to act like these things do not get to us and if they do we try to find ways to throw it out of the window without dealing with it.

Before I dive into it, I shall first provide some important definitions. According to National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), "A mental illness is a condition that affects a person's thinking, feeling or mood. Such conditions may affect someone's ability to relate to others and function each day."

Keeping in mind that mental illness is not just Schizophrenia, Bipolar disorder, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder or all the other big terms you can think of, mental illness also includes anxiety, chronic stress, alcoholism, eating disorders and other things we usually tend to ignore or categorize as "not that serious."

Now since we have an idea of what mental illness is about, how about we discuss a couple of things that contribute to its existence? The following things are not the only causes but I could say they are the main ones that tend to dominate in most African cultures.

Culture (But, Of Course)

Oh, dear culture! At this point, I think we have definitely given culture a life of its own. Maybe we forget that we are the ones that actually create the culture, which actually gives us the ability to mold it into what we want it to be. While I do believe that we have a lot to praise about our different cultures there are certain things that we need to agree has led to a lot of damage. For instance, the way we love our secrets! We adore silence! Anything that carries shame or any other thing that does not caress our pride is definitely not to be put out there.

It starts with the little things that we choose to hide then it gets bigger and bigger. We are taught to stay quiet about our fears, failures and every other thing that does not "up lift" the family name, the communities we come from or the nation at large and so we end up fighting our battles in silence which becomes overwhelming not because there is no one to talk to but because we are not allowed to talk.

Sometimes we are on the other side and we see someone suffering, we see someone getting strangely quiet, we someone acting a bit different and we get worried but we are afraid to ask because we do not want to go there, because we do not want to "invade someone's business" and many other excuses we give ourselves because our culture encourages us to.

Parents

As much as they claim to have good intentions behind everything they do, let us just say that sometimes their good intentions are lost in the way they treat their children.

If you grow up being yelled at by your parent(s), with popular phrases like "you are not enough", "you are a fool", "you are lazy", "you are dumb", "you are stupid", "you will never get far in life", "you will never achieve anything on your own" and many more hurtful words that we tend to think aren't that harmful (tough love method, a way to train the child and push them to their full potential) well, I am sorry to break this to you dear parents, but these words do more harm than good.

Now while I understand that the way they treat their children reflects how they were treated as well but the reality is that that can not continue to be an excuse because these words come back at some point. Whenever we face a challenge and we start panicking or get confused how to go about it, the insults echo in our heads and because they are not encouraging, it pulls us down than being the ground we need to stand on.

It plays with our self-esteem. It ACTUALLY keeps us from reaching our full potentials because you never told us THAT WE HAVE POTENTIAL in the first place. It grows in us, we live with it and since OUR CULTURE LOVES SILENCE, we can not talk about it, we can not question our parents, our elders, and their ways then we end up living our whole lives battling with these words and then we wonder why we are plagued with depression? We wonder why no matter how much we achieve in life it is just never enough...? Well, maybe this is one of the many reasons.

Religion

If you are sad and feeling low, pray about it because God cures it all. If you are not doing well in life it is because you are not pleasing God so go back to church. You are failing because you are sinning! You are sad because God is not happy with you. GOD! GOD! GOD!

CAN WE PLEASE GIVE GOD A BREAK? Can we stop making everything about HIM? Can we please accept the fact that we are all broken and yes while it is good to know that there is a God that cares can we also start CARING? Can we actually ask what is going on? Why are we so scared of facing the ugly sides of life? Can we actually see God through therapy? Can God not work through it too? If anything the bible says that for us to be fully saved we have to first confess our sins no? Well does that not say something about God too? Does that not mean that He wants conversation too? He encourages confession! He encourages us to speak!

So let us stop blaming our mental illnesses on our sins or on our "broken relationships with God" because the fact that we are even able to think that God would want us to go through that is sick in itself because what we are basically saying is that if God is not pleased with us then He does not give a damn about us too (WHICH CONTRADICTS EVERYTHING ABOUT GOD).

White People Sickness

I love the way Africans call mental illness "the white people sickness." "Winnie, ko utakivuga byagenze gute mbese? Cyangwa warwaye ya ndwara y'abazungu?" ("Winnie, how come you do not speak anymore? Or you have the white people sickness now?")

Dear Africans, we can not deny our level of strength and perseverance, I applaud our bravery and determination in everything we do but just in case we have forgotten. Let me remind us that we have human hearts, human minds, and human bodies which mean that we will get tired, we will get angry, we will get frustrated, we will get scared, we will fall in love, we will feel joy, we will feel sadness and this is what makes us human.

With that being said, no, it is not only white people who feel and express emotions (even though they were the only ones who were allowed to for a very long time, but that is a story for another day) we are also capable of doing the same. I understand that history has a lot to do with it, however, just because we are unfamiliar with certain things does not automatically make it foreign especially if these are things that make us human. So we should permit ourselves to feel the things we are feeling and if coming up with "terms" that are closer to home to be able to understand it, then let us do so but calling it "white people sickness" just means that we are denying its ability to exist within us which erases the possibility of us fixing the issues that we have.

I could go on and on but the reality is that we are humans and the only way to get through life is to accept that we are. I am not saying that we should drown ourselves in our sorrows and cry forever and complain about our lives every single day and throw pity parties every weekend but all I am saying is that we should be able to admit that every single human being has their breaking point, has fears, has weaknesses, has flaws just like they have excellent qualities and JUST BECAUSE WE ARE AFRICANS does not make us the exception. WE NEED HELP.

We need these conversations, we need to care about our weaknesses just like we care about strengths, we need to pay attention to the things that make us sad, uncomfortable or unsafe either emotionally, mentally and physically.

So before you judge your uncle that has now become a drunkard because alcohol is his only refuge or your old friend that never shows up for classmate reunions because all you are going to do is talk about everyone's achievements and shame those that "haven't made it yet" or judging yourself for feeling the way you feel... how about you take time to ask how they are actually doing, ask yourself how you are doing, listen to each other, listen to yourself.... we are all broken the least we could do is try to heal...TOGETHER.