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Dear Melo Part 3

A Story of My Life

Melo

Dear Melo,

Files:

It was in January of 2003 that my mother lost my siblings and I but didn’t lose full custody until June of 2004. My siblings and I were split up upon entering the system. I was placed in numerous hotlines (temporary homes) before I was put in kinship with my uncle and his girlfriend. They had two kids that were of the girlfriend's. It was nice there, but I had a lot of problems and became very aggressive towards the family. To add to it, due to the sexual trauma, I was also showing signs of it as well. I was masturbating when I arrived at the kinship home. It was a big no in their eyes and they tried to change the behavior. I was sent into a children’s specialized trauma hospital for evaluation due to the trauma and it was there that not only was I showing signs of post-traumatic stress disorder, but reactive attachment disorder, attention deficit disorder, among other diagnoses. I would wake up in the middle of the night for food because I was hungry, and it would take me a long time to fall asleep, if I even went to sleep. I would stay up and read or color. When they put me on medication for the sleep problem, I would fall asleep quicker, but I still did not stay asleep. I showed issues of sexual trauma there which is where they diagnosed part of the PTSD from. I would often stick to one worker and had trouble expressing my emotions and accepting boundaries. I would often try to get into other people’s faces. I did not understand the problems with that and they often had to re-correct me on the issue. I was discharged from the hospital with medications and recommendations from the workers there. This included no longer seeing my mother, due to the increased aggression that occurred before and after the visitations with her, continue to attend therapy without the ability to change therapists, and to continue medications (Adderall and Clonidine) that were started in the hospital.

My uncle did not believe in the medications and took me from them. Therefore, the doctors were unable to determine how the medications worked for me. They did not take me to therapy as often as I was supposed to go because it was too far away for them, which therefore did not allow me to progress in coping in the issues that occurred with my mother.

My memory:

My uncle got a puppy that he named Precious. I was unable to say the words correctly, so his way of making sure that I was able to say it was not allowing me to spend time or play with the dog until I was able to pronounce the name correctly. It was hard for me and made me upset.

My sister lived next door from me with my aunt. My sister and I still fought a lot and had a lot of problems. I cut my sister’s hair one day with kid scissors because I was upset with her.

By the end of the year, it was determined that my uncle was not able to take care of me and he sent me into the care of the state. I was put into foster care full time and was able to visit the family on occasion. That ended after a while and they later split. I haven’t seen them since.

I was able to see my sister years later, but it was for a short time due to my sister having issues with her PTSD from my mother that left her having issues, so her therapist determined that it was best to stop visitations. I have not seen her since, and she has graduated high school.

I was supposed to be adopted with my brother at one point but was deemed unfit due to the sexual trauma and was having sexual issues with the family. This included not being able to stay clean and being up in the early morning but falling asleep early. I have not seen my brother since the adoption was failed and I have no information on him.

Mommy is starting to have flashbacks, so I'm going to stop for a bit.

Sincerely,

Mom

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