Demons Aren’t the Things That Go Bump in the Night

It wasn’t until I asked my demons what was their names, that I could conquer them. See, besides what you’ve been told, demons aren’t the things that go bump in the night.

They are the 2 AM and 5 AM thoughts of destruction. The bad habits that if only you could get rid of, you’d be at your next stage in life. Demons are the escapism, we oh so willingly stumble back too.

So I was scared. I thought they owned me. What did I have, if I didn’t have them? As twisted and sick as it was, they were my muse; my comfort zones. And I created so much from my pain. I was so familiar with comfort. How could I let that go? What would I blame my failures on, if it wasn’t them?

But I wanted to live a life I never have before and that’s what I ultimately was going to do. So I had to grow. And growing means, accountabilities are knocking on my door. But how can I be sad and upset about that and at the world? When truly all I have left to blame is myself, right? Psft, yeah right. I’m hard headed as fuck. So I sat & let my demons torture me, for years because of comfort, because of fear of my bettered self, because of me. And me being a Scorpio, underworld goddess, when I say I got an army of demons, it’s no lie. Depression demons on my back. Weed demon, sitting on my chest, literally. And heavy as fuck. Inadequate demon, just prancing around, all prissy. Mental illness demon taunting like a bish. As per usual, I got 'em all.

I never struggled with the liquor demon, but I’ve met the suicide one. And for those that don’t know, she’s a mean girl; likes to play manipulation games & stuff. Dumb puta. But I can say that now, laughing and with infinite love in my body. Cause I control her, not vice versa.

I love my life, now. Immensely. Whenever I don’t, I kill myself or die, figuratively. I use that suicidal demon to help aid me in destroying the aspects I no longer like or need in my life, and create new ones, like a phoenix from my ashes. I don’t ever have the urge to physical;y end my life anymore. It’s truly liberating.

I think one of the hardest demons I’ve had to fight is self-worth demon. Because I still fight her today. That feminine energy man, I tell ya. She’s that chick with backup. And she stays ready to call more friends. It’s like every day there’s another reason to feel like you’re not enough. Another ad on Instagram, somebody showing out on Snapchat, and we know the TV is just bugging...Always ready to tell you why you need this or that to improve yourself or your life. I deal with her and her backup daily. Sometimes I lose. Sometimes those shady ass demons get to me and try to manipulate me into thinking I’m not enough, when I clearly am. But the difference between now and before is I now know it and believe it. It wasn’t until I got rid of comfort and fear, and befriended accountability AND my demons, that I truly started leveling up in my life.

I know my demons names now, but best believe they bow to mine.