Depression

Depression; (noun): a mental health disorder causing serious loss of interests in activities, sadness, difficulty in concentration, and thinking.

Many people in this world are not diagnosed and learn to live with depression without the help of others. Some are diagnosed and accept help. Others in this world on the other hand, fall into failure due to the mental illness. Some self harm and think about suicide, while others do not. Everyone is different. Me, I am not one of those fails. I am, however, more of a warrior. I am still fighting.

What I have felt is what I want to try and explain.

It is a feeling of knowing you need to get out of bed in the morning but physically can't. It is the need to take shower but not having enough energy to so you put it off another day. It is laying in your bed before you fall asleep and thinking of every single thing wrong in your life all the while letting you forget all the good things that came out of. It is the feeling of hopelessness in yourself and that you will not achieve anything in life.

It makes you terrified to fall in love. It makes you afraid to have any happiness. It makes you scared to push yourself because you are afraid to fail. It makes you not believe in yourself when deep down you know you can do it. It makes you not want to go out and enjoy the actives you used to do by yourself.

It appears when you want to hang out with your friends but then having to cancel because you are literally exhausted from overthinking everything that might go wrong while you are out. It appears when you are in the middle of blurting out a love song in the car that you love but makes you burst into tears instead. It appears at your little cousin's birthday party while she is blowing out her candles because you feel as though you'll never experience this with your own kids. It appears out of nowhere and it sneaks up on you.

It sucks you in at your lowest times.

But you are not alone and it is okay to ask for help.

Seeking treatment in any way is a positive thing and it does not mean you are weak!

I have tried different counseling and therapies, but they did not work. I went to my family doctor and he prescribed me an antidepressant. It was the best choice I have made for myself and my life by taking it. I have been on an antidepressant for about almost two years now. It make everything said above so much easier. I can get out of bed with ease. I can shower and not feel like it is a chore. I can go straight to sleep without making myself cry beforehand.

However, life is not all rainbows and happiness even with the help of my antidepressant. I still have my bad days and the days where everything feels like it's going wrong, but that is OKAY. I am human and I have learned that it is completely normal to have bad days, where before I blamed it all on myself.

Depression may feel like it controls your life but it is up to you whether you let it or not. It is a battle, but it is one you can win.

If you ever feel like you need help or are having thoughts of suicide, please call the number below and they will help you. You ARE loved.

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255