Depression

I knew I had been "depressed" for a while, but I realized it was getting worse and more persistent. I was letting my daily thoughts affect my perceptions of situations. I wasn't taking action in my life anymore. I did not care to share my opinions or express my thoughts and ideas. I felt weak and insecure. I felt ugly, stupid, and worthless. I rarely straightened my hair or did my makeup anymore. I remember I constantly told myself I felt "stuck." Later on, I realized that was a perfect depiction of what depression was like. Trust me, I Googled the shit out of mental illnesses and depression for a long time. Back in high school, I used to care about my fashionable outfits and spoiling myself. By a certain point, I was no longer myself anymore due to life circumstances... and this lasted a few years. I realized I developed a Netflix and food addiction because, at the time, it was the only thing that gave me (short-term) fulfillment. Everyone experiences depression and anxiety differently. But for me, I felt it was debilitating and I was just not "present" in my own life anymore. I did not care about a single thing whatsoever. I was never the person to be "suicidal," but I definitely was killing myself in other mental and physical ways.

What really helped me to get a grasp on everything, was realizing I did not like myself anymore. So I joined a new gym and mainly started to do cardio (to lose weight and work on my breathing techniques for my anxiety). When I started to feel how working out made me physically and mentally start to feel, I stuck with it. I since then have lost my depression weight. I also think it was a combination of multiple variables.

1. I was on an antidepressant/mood stabilizer (they can make you gain weight.)
2. Some people when stressed produce more cortisol which can make you gain weight as well.
3. I was eating unhealthy and minimal physical activity for months straight.

I'd like to speak more on cortisol. Cortisol is our fight or flight hormone that is released every time we are stressed. We release this hormone too often in our day and for some it is a health issue. Chronically elevated cortisol puts you at higher risk to develop high blood pressure, diabetes, lowered immune system, and weight gain.

My suggestions for breaking the depressive cycle:

• Join a gym, fitness group, yoga class, walk your dog (weekly). Even if you don't want to do it at the time, just do it. If you make a routine out of it, you will start to notice positive changes. Now I understand Nike's slogan "Just do it," because when times are tough, you really have to just do it. In return, you will have some self-fulfillment and feel you have gained some sort of self-control over your chaotic life. I have learned that structure and routine is everything. Pop on some stand up comedies or blast your favorite music when you are home alone lost in your mind. I've noticed that I over-think more when I have silence around me. When I keep a TV show on or music, it helps to distract my mind.
• Try to make changes in your eating habits. What we eat and what time we eat all matters. Think of it like an algorithm. Do not eat dinner late. I have tried fasting a couple of times. That is good for a body detox and quick weight loss.
• DRINK LOTS OF WATER! STAY BUSY! I REPEAT, STAY BUSY! Staying active and busy keeps your mind off of things. This doesn't mean you should ignore your life, but it helps to limit your daily anxieties. Especially when you are single, your mind is going to wander. Learning how to formulate your weekly routine will significantly affect your overall happiness. Structure is key.
• Honestly... SOBRIETY is the best way to see things from a different perspective. You need to try to re-learn how to enjoy old hobbies sober. This is an awesome ground technique in my opinion. When you can enjoy life sober, you can do just about anything and feel great!