Depression and Its Effect

The dictionary defines depression as "a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason." Yet, the truth behind depression is more than just a definition. It is like a cloud over your emotions. It isn't pinpointed to just one or two emotions. And, when you do feel something, it is almost amplified. It is like a burning sensation, crushing you from the inside out. There are days where everylittle thing can be blocked out by depression.

Personally, I have been feeling this most of my life. I grew up in a household where my father had to be dominant. He liked to verbally abuse me for the small things, like a question wrong on test or when I didn't understand a word. His hand problem made it worse. He made my life completely and totally miserable. I was always afraid whether or not I would walk out of the house with cuts and bruises, or if I would walk out in a body bag. From the age of seven, it got worse.

There were days where I thought I should end it all. What made it really worse was the constant bullying in my school. Yet, no one said anything about the growing bruises on my arms, or the constant isolation from the other classmates. As the years went on, my depression and anxiety got worse. At the age of 11, I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression. My therapist said it like it was some medical term that explained everything that happened to me. Although it just put a label to the thing that was destroying me from the inside out.

A year later, my mother got me and my little sister away from my dad. By then, it was already too late. The damage had been done. I have been told to "get over it" and to "stop asking for attention." Yet, I couldn't just get over it. I was never asking for attention. It really does annoy me when people just assume or try to describe what it is like when they have never been in my shoes. Any friends that I had made saw the effects it had on me. I would distance myself from them, by not calling or texting, even completely shutting them out for months. I never meant to, I just felt so out of control. My own mother had to try and reach out to me.

At the time, I thought that it would be better if I just went away. I found more comfort in my own room, than outside, because of my anxiety and depression. I always felt alone or I completely felt like nothing.

It wasn't just a part of me anymore. It was controlling me. After speaking to my therapist, she prescribed me medication and worked with me to come up with a plan. Depression isn't something you just get over. Even now, there are days that I struggle. I continue for my family, and for my friends. It may be hard at times, but I always know that I have the support of those closest to me.

I hope that this brings some comfort to those that read this, especially those that have been dealing with depression. It can occur in any number of ways, and sometimes not many people will pick up on what may be going on. Always be mindful, and don't give up. It gets better, even when it seems that it doesn't, it does. Among teens, it is the most common, and most painful.