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Depression Is Not A Choice

No one would choose to have cancer, the same way no one would choose to have depression.

By Destyni SchmuckalPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Paint on your face and lift your head. They won't care how sad you were until you're dead. 

Depression is not a choice.

Have you ever had someone tell you you're crazy? Or make you feel crazy for feelings that are beyond your control? Or maybe you've had someone judge you or tell you it's all in your head. You're making it up. It's a just a phase. You're not alone.

Growing up, many people never understood my mental illness. They thought I was just always angry, or let things get to me too much. They thought maybe I was just over emotional. And some thought maybe I was self-medicating.

Sometimes, people don't know how to react to illnesses or problems they don't have. So when you say you have depression, someone may be too out of the know to even understand what you're talking about. They might tell you you're overreacting, just going through a tough time, or that it's just a bad day, not a bad life. And in a sense, they aren't necessarily wrong.

However, what they fail to realize is that you're not making a choice to feel this way. There's nothing that you can do to permanently get rid of the problem, although there are temporary solutions like running, medication, sleep, or other distractions. You don't want to not wake up everyday. You don't want to feel sad and alone when you're out with friends at an event that should be fun for you. You don't want to worry that everyone is going to leave you, that you're not good enough for anyone, or even yourself. You don't want to have self-doubt with every step you take. And you don't want to be too afraid to take a chance towards something you actually want because of the voices and feelings in your mind telling you that it doesn't matter anyway.

It's hard when what you're best at is shutting people out and hiding your feelings, when you you need to do the opposite to let anyone know how badly you're hurting. You want it all to go away but you can't seem to grasp the strength to let people see the real you. The hurt you. The sad, cold, alone you. It's depressing, but it's reality. And people would rather someone paint on a smile and pretend to be happy than allow anyone to be upset and be themselves, no matter how "unattractive" it may be.

People need a little guidance when loving someone with depression, or any mental illness, really. We're definitely no walk in the park. But we can be worth every ounce of the fight. We won't abandon you because we know what it's like to suffer alone and we wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Sometimes we need our space, and sometimes a lot of it. But we always come back to the ones we love. We shut out the ones we love most and take out things on whoever is closest to us because we don't know how else to do it. We wish we weren't that way, but it is what it is. All we can do is work on our issues, our mental health, our ways of coping, how we express things, and hope you're willing to help us do that. We're not very good at expressing our emotions at all to anyone, so don't ever take it personally. We mean it when we say, it's not you, it's me. It's just a different context.

Mental illness, much like many physical illnesses, is not a choice. No one would choose to have cancer, the same way no one would choose to have depression.

You can choose to accept people's flaws, and love them anyway. Or you can choose to look for someone that's perfect. Your search will probably go on forever.

depression
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About the Creator

Destyni Schmuckal

I hope to arrive to my death late, in love, and a little drunk.

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