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Depression? Who's That?

Brief Reminder of What Depression Is

By Renelle DionPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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"Just keep swimming"

For weeks now, I have been running a million ideas through my head. For weeks now, I have known I need to write something. That crappy prof, the power of perception, living a good life... All valid. With #BellLetsTalk having just passed though, I think this is the perfect opportunity to write about living with depression.

Before you click back (and probably try to find something a little less, well, depressing), hear me out. Because although I live with depression, I am not my disease and my message is worth hearing.

Let me introduce myself: I am a (broke) university student that suffers from depression.

Let's bring this back in 2014, when I was first diagnosed with this thing called depression. I remember sitting in the psychologist's office and being handed a sheet: "What is depression and how to deal with it." Thinking back on it, I laugh. If only it could be as simple as a set of instructions! Honestly, I wish I could say more about how I felt in that moment, but I really can't. I was in so deep, I didn't know how to feel anymore; I was numb.

People assume that being depressed is being really sad. Sure, sometimes that can be a symptom! Other times, it feels as though there is just a lot of nothingness; within you, outside of you, there is just nothing. If you are sad, then something could come along to cheer you up, but if you are depressed, there is nothing to cheer you up.

I know! Super negative, right? Give me a minute (there's a good side to this, I swear).

I guess you could say there is one thing: yourself! When you are depressed, you are alone with this nothingness. You are your own rock, because you need to be. No matter how great your significant other is, no matter how well you do in school and no matter how many countless other amazing things there are in your life, they will not lift you out of this darkness. YOU will, though.

Think of it like this: you're drowning, you have been fighting the tide for what feels like forever, and your arms are jello. Suddenly, there are people throwing tools at you: life jackets, floaties, a rope to haul you to land. Now, you have two options: let yourself go with the flow (literally) or grab onto these tools. To most people, the choice seems obvious: "you grab the tools, duh." But it's okay, you're allowed to lean towards going with the flow. Because you're tired, you can barely move your arms. I understand.

It takes strength to grab hold of those tools and no one is going to do it for you. YOU need to decide that YOU want to live YOUR life to its fullest. YOU need to find YOUR inner strength to grab onto those tools and swim your way to shore (think of Dory).

On those days where you don't shower, you don't brush your hair, you keep putting off life, think of grabbing onto those floaties (they're there, waiting for you).

Do not be afraid to admit it if you are depressed. So am I! I go through episodes (usually a weekish in length) where all I want to do is cry. I do not see straight. I do not see anything at all. But I am more than my depression. I choose to be strong, I choose to be proactive. I choose to better myself, to continuously fight this disease I have had for nearly five years. Those episodes, they are a week maybe once every three to four weeks. They are not my life, not my forever.

So, let me reintroduce myself: I am a (broke) university student with a 4.0 GPA. On those days that I do not know how to function, I get up and figure it out one step at a time. I am a strong woman that happens to have a brain that is chemically imbalanced, but don't let that fool you, because I am going places.

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