Destigmatizing Mental Illnesses, Trauma, and Addiction

Suicide is never an easy thing to cope with or talk about. This year seems to have become the year that quite a few high-profile celebrities have elected to take the "easy" way out of their problems. The problem with regarding suicide that way, however, is that it's rarely an easy choice for the person who feels like life just isn't worth living anymore.

Society has developed this aversion to addressing the physical manifestations of mental trauma. This is especially true in cultures of color, although it is certainly not limited to one ethnic group, age bracket, socioeconomic class or gender. Anyone who has dealt with a mentally ill family member tends to feel embarrassment and shame if that relative's behavior comes into question. We are quicker to commit that person to an asylum, far away from everyone else, than to attempt to understand what is going on inside of their head. Many people who may be going through depression or showing signs of bipolar disorder or schizophrenia can't even have an open discussion about how they're suffering because the people around them will begin to label them as crazy. So what do we do but keep it to ourselves?

There is only so much one can be burdened by before they snap; this frustration, isolation, and hopelessness may not manifest in violent ways toward others. Instead, they are often internalized.

What do the unafflicted do? I can't tell you how many times I've heard people tell me, "Oh, it's all in your head; just think positive!" (It's really NOT that simple, and I attest to this from experience.) Another famous attitude is to tell the sufferer to sleep on it and they'll feel better when they wake up. Again, that's insensitive at best, and detrimental at worst.

We need to remember that trauma can happen at any time to anyone. And while some people will successfully suppress whatever negative emotions that experience may bring... Others among us will be so deeply affected that even a remote reminder of the event will completely alter our behavior and thinking patterns.

People don't just become depressed, or drug addicts, or alcoholics. These are not "white people's problems" (as Taraji P. Henson's character, Cookie, famously uttered on an episode of Empire). There will always be a trigger of some sort... A pain that someone is attempting to escape or avoid. And while society at large loves to make this demographic feel bad about their existence, it hates to view this same population as humans who just want someone to understand...to listen.

Most of us are doing anything but listening, however. We're condemning. We're telling people that they're not worth anything, they're bringing shame to the family, they're defective inside. The sad reality is that these same people have endured rape and molestation, have watched their best friend or significant other get gunned down before their eyes, have gotten sick or injured and ended up losing everything. Are we even bothering to be compassionate enough to ask what happened? Instead of saying "what's wrong with you?", maybe the real question should be, "what happened to you?"

A lot of people are certainly asking that question tonight after hearing about Chester Bennington (of Linkin Park) taking his own life. I was heartbroken to read the news as I scrolled through my feed today, hoping against hope I was seeing a viral hoax. But I have been there too. The average person can't fathom a single reason why someone might think that life is so horrible that death is a preferable option to enduring such pain. But it is very likely that he felt unsupported by his closest family, friends and bandmates. And, in the end, that is what a lot of people are crying out for -- support. The best way to be supportive is to start listening and stop labeling. It is, and should be, okay to not be okay. However, the people who most need help with coping aren't going to seek those resources if those around them continue to call them insane or a waste of space.