Psyche logo

Don't Be a Casualty of Anxiety

How to Take Responsibility for Your Thoughts and Feelings

By Aly MoonPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
Like

I just finished reading a woman’s blog post which went something like “My anxiety convinces me that everyone hates me.” Here is a quick summary:

  • If someone takes too long to answer a text I assume they don’t want to talk to me.
  • It doesn’t matter how long I have been friends with someone, I still need constant reassurance I am loved.
  • My anxiety makes me feel like the world is against me.
  • Anxiety – That’s why I have such a hard time dating.
  • Etc, etc.

So, I read the entire article. When I reached the end, I was like, “Where is the stuff about coping with anxiety?” This post showed up on my personal Facebook feed, as posted by a friend. The caption was “So True *sad face emoji*.” In my opinion, this blog post was perpetuating and validating the stigma attached to people who suffer with anxiety and depression. This is how I read the blog:

  • I recognize my thoughts about other people’s actions toward me are irrational, but they need to make the effort for me not to feel that way.
  • Other people are responsible for making me feel better, because my anxiety prevents me from feeling okay.
  • I avoid romantic connections with people because of my anxiety, which has created an effective wall for isolating me from the outside world.

I am not down playing the implications of a mental health condition or diagnosis. However, I am an advocate for striving to be the best, whole-hearted, functional adult you can be. In the same way a diabetic takes insulin to survive, a person with anxiety needs to challenge themselves to take control of their life and be responsible for their anxiety. And expecting people to bend to your deluded reality is neither moral nor practical.

Anxiety can be paralyzing, debilitating, and even shameful. However, this is anxiety untreated. This is anxiety gone wild. This thinking is giving anxiety permission to rule your life. What I found most puzzling about the article I read was the fact the author clearly has a significant amount of self-awareness regarding their problematic anxiety. These thought patterns are paralyzing and the emotional equivalent of a wet blanket. The thoughts are also completely (even according to the author) false.

Generally, anxiety is most potent prior to an event rather than during. In other words, it’s about anticipation. Let’s use the “Friend/love interest didn’t text me back right away” life trope. Now, we have two pairs of glasses: reality glasses and anxiety glasses.

Anxiety glasses narrative:

  • OMG Did I say something stupid? Am I stupid? I should feel shame.
  • They must not want to talk to me, probably because I am super lame. I deserve this.
  • They don’t care about me and all I need right now is to feel like they care. I will only feel okay if they text me back. Otherwise it’s a sign from God that I am super lame. I’m alone.

Reality glasses narrative:

  • Meh, maybe they are busy or driving or something. This probably is not about me.
  • I really would like this person to message me back because I like them. But if it takes a while that is okay. I’m not getting something I want, but I’ll survive.
  • *Does something interesting or productive instead of fixating on other people’s behaviour which is completely out of my control* Who did I text again?

Anxiety has a way of making people think the world completely revolves around them in their current state of mind. While that may seem a tad harsh, your friend doesn’t think you are stupid, they maybe were driving, left their phone at home, broke their phone, or maybe are dealing with something that prevents them from immediately answering your text. Or they are like my mom and just forgot to press send. And if someone is manipulating you emotionally or avoiding you, they are not worth texting anyway.

I am not saying “You have anxiety, pffft get over it.” What I am saying is, “You have anxiety, but you are the only person who is capable of controlling it.” If you have ever said or thought “I can’t do that because I have anxiety.” You have officially lost the game of life. People with anxiety, depression, and other mental health diagnoses have contributed so much to our world, and it starts with taking responsibility for yourself. Responsibility means treating your anxiety.

Instead of using anxiety to avoid doing things, think of your anxiety as a sign saying: “This thing I am anxious about is demanding my attention, and I need to resolve it.” Challenge yourself out of your comfort zone, because that is where your life begins. It is simple, but it is not easy. Life takes your full investment and your best intentions. Avoiding life is avoiding living. Stop existing, start living, feel empowered, and live your life. You only live once.

***Disclaimer: If you have significant anxiety to the point that you are in a cycle of constant shame and self-pity that prevents you from living your life, you need to seek help through a mental health professional. Your life is worth it! Just as if you had cancer you would get treatment because it will get worse and eventually kill you. If you don’t focus your attention on treating your symptoms they will take over your life. There are so many amazing therapeutic techniques proven to help people overcome anxiety.***

anxiety
Like

About the Creator

Aly Moon

A Canadian living abroad. As a social worker, I am very interested in people, psychology, and different perspectives. I share some of mine: be it political, or just observation, I am here to share my insights and opinions!

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.