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Family Systems View of My Life as a Young Woman With Cerebral Palsy

Written as Though I Was a Therapist Evaluating My Formative Years

By Melissa Hevenor The Psychic In Your PocketPublished 5 years ago 16 min read
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At some point or another just about everyone tries to make some sense of his or her own life. In the busy world that most of us live in today, it is a blessing that we can stand on the shoulders of psychologists like Urie Bronfenbrenner, who provide a framework that allows us to examine our life from a developmental standpoint in a methodical way. As stated in the fifth edition of The Developing Person Through the Life Span, Urie Bronfenbrenner, a developmental researcher, created a developmental theory known as the Ecological Systems Theory. This theory proposes that each person is significantly affected by interactions among a number of overlapping ecosystems. These systems include the microsystem, the mesosystem, the exosystem, the macosystem, and more recently he added the chronosystem. The microsystem is the primary component to this theory, and for a child it involves the family, peer group, classroom, neighborhood, and for some, a place of worship. The next component is the interwoven relationship, or cooperation of at least two members in the microsystem. For example, if a parent meets with their child’s teacher to help the child, the mesosystem is at work.

Next any element that contributes to an individual’s development outside of the microsystem makes up the exosystem. The macrosystem incorporates the cultural influences that surround a person such as, political tendencies, economic standards, and other social factors. The last entity in this systems theory is the chronosystem, which takes into account the historical context in which someone develops. Within the ecology theory there are three forces constantly at work shaping who we are, and who we will become in the future. The three domains are physical, cognitive, and psychosocial aspects of someone’s developmental process. According to Kathleen Stassen Berger, author of The Developing Person Through the Life Span, the physical domain includes physical growth, and any external influences that have an impact on an individual’s physical growth. The cognitive domain addresses the mental processes that permit a person to think, learn, and communicate. Any institutions where learning and communication take place are also a part of this domain. The psychosocial domain involves emotions, personality, and relationships with others. Melissa Hevenor’s life will serve as a forum to see the ecological systems theory at work.

In 1986, Melissa Hevenor was a healthy ten year old girl, except that at 15 months old she was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. “Cerebral palsy is a group of disorders characterized by loss of movement, or loss of other nerve functions. These disorders are caused by injuries to the brain that occur during fetal development, or near the time of birth” (Campellone, 2004, p .1). She was born prematurely on May 22, 1976. Melissa was supposed to be born around August 29. As result of being born three months early, the doctor made a mistake during the birthing process and Melissa slipped back into the birth canal, which caused her air supply to be cut off long enough to cause her to become afflicted with cerebral palsy. From as early as kindergarten, Melissa was placed in mainstream classes after scoring above average on an IQ test administered to her at school. She used a walker to move about the classroom. From a physical perspective Melissa was smaller than most children her age, and her feet in particular did not develop an arch or a sole like that of a child who is constantly on their feet. Melissa’s functioning and development for the most part progressed at a “normal” pace. Therefore, at ten years old she was in a regular fifth grade class, loved to go to sleepovers, play outside, and write in a journal. She enjoyed doing things that were common for a ten-year old girl. Even though Melissa had some physical differences from a cognitive and psychosocial perspective, she was developmentally right on track at that point in her life.

Melissa’s chronosystem embodied the eighties, and one icon of the eighties that Melissa still likes today is Madonna. She also was a huge fan of Punky Brewster, another icon that surfaced in the eighties. Punky spoke of punky power, a form of girl power that taught girls to believe in themselves and follow their dreams. Melissa believes that the unspoken message to girls and women in the eighties—to stand strong and stay in school—shaped her outlook on life in a very positive way.

Once Melissa was diagnosed, the doctors told her mother that children with cerebral palsy typically suffer from developmental delays. “… the thickness of the corpus callosum correlates with the volume of the cerebral white matter in children with cerebral palsy and developmental delays, regardless of their narrow motor or gestational age status” (Panigrahy, Barnes, Robertson, Sleeper, & Sayre, 2005, p.13). The best preventative measure that could be taken to limit these delays was to provide Melissa with as much stimulation as possible. The stimulation would increase brain growth, and provide positive results in every aspect of her development. Melissa’s family made every effort to involve her in daily and weekly activities that would provide her with various kinds of stimulation. Therefore, Melissa’s mesosystems and exosytems were filled with the people that interacted with her during these various activities. For example, her grandmother made great efforts to get Melissa engaged in voice training and musical activities. Many doctors believe this attributed to Melissa’s excellent talking, reading, and writing abilities. Also, she took free swimming lessons at the YMCA, which allowed her to interact with other children in her fifth grade class outside the classroom setting. This is where she was introduced to her best friend, Kelly Edwards. Kelly was a major contributor to Melissa’s psychosocial development, because she never treated Melissa any different than any other friend because of her limitations. Melissa also learned to ride a horse in a special program for disabled children. This experience had a huge impact on her psychosocial development. It was the one place where she could get a sense of what it might feel like to walk like everyone else, as she learned to shift her weight in order to balance on a horse. It also gave her a chance to interact with other children with cerebral palsy. She developed some lifelong friendships as a result of taking part in the program. “One of the key elements needed for a child to develop a healthy self image and confidence is building healthy relationships among their peers” (Theokas et al., 2005, 115). Friends and adults outside the family played a curial role in molding Melissa into the person she would later become.

Many of the characteristics of Melissa’s microsystem from an outsider’s perspective appeared quite normal. Melissa lived with her mother, younger sister, and stepfather. Melissa’s grandmother and great aunts always played a large role in her microsystem. School and church were also two major components in this system, as well as various voice teachers that Melissa would practice with on a daily basis.

Melissa’s microsystem in terms of the home life was not consistent, stable, or adequate for normal development. Although, Melissa’s mother had a good job with the Food and Drug Administration, she did not bring enough money into the household to meet the basic needs for the family. She threw the money away in an effort to support her drug and alcohol addictions. Research shows that “… when a child grows up watching a family member use drugs, the outcome can go one of two ways, either the child ends up having a drug problem themselves, or they have such a fear of becoming addicted to drugs that they never even experiment with drugs as other teens often do at some point along the way” (Cash & Wilke, 2003, 394). Melissa never had any desire to try using drugs after watching what drugs did to both her mother and stepfather. Melissa’s mother suffers from emotional and mental illnesses, and used drugs to self medicate, unable to follow through with the prescribed medications and directions of her psychiatrist. Fortunately, Melissa was able to find nurturing teachers who gave her the love and support she could not receive at home. Early on she realized that she was a good writer because of the recognition she received at school. So she wrote every chance she got, and became very close to her fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Forman. Mrs. Forman was aware of Melissa’s difficulties at home, so she made every effort to make sure Melissa got both breakfast and lunch at school. Mrs. Forman would also bring food from home, and tell Melissa to put it in her backpack so she and her sister could snack on it later. She would make arrangements so that Melissa could take a late bus home from school so she could stay after and receive help with her homework during an after school study program. She taught Melissa to use her writing ability to express her emotions over the hardships she faced at home. Many studies have shown that writing in a journal can serve as a form of art therapy, which can be a very effective way to promote positive growth and development. “The use of art therapy includes the focus on non-verbal communication and creative processes together with the facilitation of a trusting, safe environment, within which people can acknowledge and express strong emotions” (Saunders & Saunders, 2000, p.102). Since school was such a positive experience, Melissa always received good grades and loved being in school.

The other joy in Melissa’s life involved her music training. She had always enjoyed music, and that is why her grandmother decided to embrace that interest, and get her involved in musical activities outside the school environment. Melissa got her first voice lesson at age five from a young music teacher who was the granddaughter of Melissa’s grandmother’s best friend at the time. Not only was the singing good exercise to increase her breathing and stamina, and to strengthen various abdominal muscles, her doctor also thought the activity helped her cognitive abilities in regards to auditory recognition, and information processing. In fact, according to a research study “… music and hepatic perception are both thought to be lateralized in the right hemisphere, music was evident in enhancing certain tasks that invoke this selected side of the brain” (Rose, 1985, p. 168). She would practice singing for two and half hours after school. Music served as another outlet for her to express some of the frustration and other emotions that surfaced due to the abusive conditions that came at the hands of both of her parental figures.

Throughout adolescence Melissa spent a great deal of time trying to raise her younger sister the best that she could given the circumstances in which they lived. She knew what a stable environment for a child was supposed to involve, because she spent many weekends, weeks, and summers with her two great aunts. They provided her with a reasonable schedule, discipline, and healthy boundaries. She tried to use their example in constructing as close to a normal environment as she could for her younger sister. At the early age of six Melissa would help her sister get ready for bed, comfort her, and give her food whenever she could. Research indicates that when a child is forced to take on the responsibilities of an adult, their development can be both enhanced and hindered. Often it is easier for these adolescents to make adult transitions, because they have already learned how to be self sufficient in many regards. “Factors contributing to positive adjustment are mastery of developmental tasks preparatory to the self-directedness, maturity, and social capacities requisite to successful adult functioning” (Zahn-Waxler, 1996, p. 572). However, their cognitive strengths do not aid in the development of many psychosocial aspects that may suffer.

Although, Melissa has never had difficulty making friends, or demonstrating her love for loved ones, she often has trouble asking for help, trusting, and verbally expressing affection. Sometimes she associates with and participates in activities that might be more appropriate for someone younger than herself, trying to engage in behaviors and activities that she missed out on when she was at the appropriate age. Most of the time she stayed with her aunts when her mother was transferred in and out various mental hospitals, or declared that she could not handle the responsibility of caring for one or both of her children. Melissa’s aunts took great measures to try and provide Melissa, her sister, and her mother with money and food as much as possible. The biggest mistake that they made was not permanently removing Melissa and her sister from their home environment. By the time Melissa had reached her pre-teen years she would repeatedly beg for them to adopt her. Her aunts reasoning behind not assisting her in this way, was that they could not betray their sister Molly who was Melissa’s grandmother.

Melissa’s macrosystem incorporates the fact that her family was from a small town in Texas. The cultural influences of their old southern mentality embraced the idea of keeping family secrets, and portraying a perfect family image. This image would fall apart if they permanently removed the children from their mother’s house. Other ways that this southern culture influenced Melissa’s life was that she constantly heard how important it is to find the right man. Ironically, the only male figure she had in her life was her stepfather who married her mother when Melissa turned six years old. Her stepfather was as far from a positive role model as one man could get. He was responsible for getting Melissa’s mother addicted to drugs and made extra money selling drugs to his friends from their home. He had a job as a truck driver delivering seafood to various restaurants. The hours of his job allowed him to be at home when Melissa and her sister got home from school. Therefore, Melissa and her sister spent a lot of time at home alone with him while their mother was working. In spite of the fact that Melissa’s mother was aware of how abusive their stepfather could be, she thought that having an abusive father figure was better than no male role model at all. Having him as a member of the family also helped them portray that perfect family image. The image of perfection is so highly regarded in the southern tradition that Melissa’s mother grew up in that it was considered above all else.

Once again Melissa was able to find people outside her family to fill these social roles. For example, Melissa met her first love when she was eleven and he was thirteen. Melissa knew him from school but he also attended the same church. Melissa’s aunts took her to church every Sunday morning, and that is where she first became interested in Matthew. His family was the opposite of hers. His mother and father both had good jobs, a good marriage, and functioned as the all-American family. Melissa grew very close to the whole family, and in many instances Matthew’s father served as the positive male role model that Melissa had always longed for. Matthew was also one of the only people outside of Melissa’s immediate family that knew what Melissa’s true family life was really like, and not just what it appeared to be. Melissa was in a relationship with him until she was a sophomore in high school. Many adolescent studies indicate that developing a healthy love interest that serves as a social support system is vital to a positive developing experience during adolescence. “ Peer group membership and a romantic love interest promote positive self regard, provide a positive support system and facilitate healthy social development that can be maintained throughout adulthood” (Williams, Holmbeck, & Greenley, 2002, p. 832). Melissa was determined to have better luck with her love life than her mother, and for that reason she has always set high standards for herself and a potential husband. Another aspect of her life that she was determined to do differently than her mother was to get her college degree.

A few years ago while Melissa was working on her first undergraduate degree she received the news that her great aunts were in a fatal car accident. Once they passed away, any structure that her family unit had quickly dissolved. Melissa was left on her own to handle all the technicalities that come into play when somebody dies. Fortunately, while Melissa was in college she became friends with a girl that she instantly had a connection with. Before long Melissa became roommates with Noa who was the only person that stood by and helped Melissa deal with this tragedy in her life. After her aunts’ death it seemed as though the secrets of Melissa’s past were finally set free. She started seeing a psychologist, and over time she began to face and deal with many of the difficulties experienced throughout her childhood.

One aspect in Melissa’s life that has remained constant is her love for written language. For that reason her first degree was in creative writing. Melissa had always been interested in psychology, because she wanted to try and understand the dynamics of her mother’s mental illness. She spent a lot of time researching her mother’s medications and studying psychology textbooks in the library. Therefore, once her aunts passed away she pursued her second undergraduate degree in psychology. Psychology was one career choice that was not supported in the macrosystem that Melissa was brought up in. In the southern tradition followed in Melissa’s family, women are supposed to pursue practical, feminine career goals. For example, every woman in Melissa’s family who earned a college degree became teachers or nurses. Whenever Melissa would try to discuss becoming a doctor in the mental health field her family would tell her that this was a useless goal, and to stick to what she was good at which was writing. Another aspect in her life that has remained constant is her love for music.

Today Melissa is a first year graduate student studying mental health counseling. She also still has ambitions to write and keep music as an active hobby in her life. Melissa has had many changes in her life since the death of her aunts. She is now a member of the Marom family, and her roommate Noa is now one of two younger sisters she has gotten since joining their family. This family is the one that Melissa could only dream of as a child. She now calls Noa’s mother her own, and does not have any contact with her biological mother or stepfather. Melissa also continually goes to see her psychotherapist, which helps her continue to come to terms with her past and adjust to her new life.

Melissa knows that she will fulfill her dreams of becoming a clinical psychologist, and specialize in working with abused and neglected children. She also knows that reading and writing will continue to play a major role in her life well into the future. She hopes to have many children, and pass on to them her passion for music. A major change that has taken place in Melissa’s life took place within the macrosystem of Melissa’s development. Melissa has abandoned many of the values instilled in her from her past. She no longer keeps secrets, does not tolerate anyone treating her disrespectfully, and as a result she is slowly learning to love and appreciate herself. It is extremely important to her that she learns to embrace her past, taking away from it the positive, and working through the negative, so that her children will have the best possible ecological system to develop in that Melissa can provide for them.

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About the Creator

Melissa Hevenor The Psychic In Your Pocket

I have been psychic since I was little, by the age of 7, I was also communicating with the departed. I use these gifts to help people worldwide. I am a songwriter, author, screenwriter, and YouTube creator who loves ASMR, music & makeup

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