Fear of Disappointment

For me, disappointment often breeds disappointment. The fear of not fulfilling expectations is disappointing in and of itself. The idea that you fear how others perceive your challenges is disheartening. The anxiety of being worried about disappointing someone makes you feel disappointed in yourself. It's a brutal cycle that once you're stuck in, it seems like you'll never win.

It's constant negative reinforcement - you're anxious because you don't want to disappoint somebody, then you're disappointed because you shouldn't let the expectations of others control you, and then you're disappointed because you're already disappointed before you've even started. It continues over and over and breeds more and more disappointment every time you go through the cycle.

It can be hard to see or grapple with the cycle while you're in it. It's almost like you get lost in the rhythms and accept that you are continually going to feel this way. I sometimes felt like I was running on a treadmill in the dark constantly, looking towards a light that was never getting any closer. When you're trying to explain it to someone else it's even more challenging.

'They' say that disappointment is often more felt than anger, and from my experience it's true. My parents, for example, would be heard louder when they felt disappointed in me as opposed to just being mad. The feeling also tends to linger, it's harder to come back from. It's almost like a rebuilding of trust - it takes time, patience, and understanding from both sides to overcome.

I've always had difficulty using failures as opportunities, when I was younger I always let myself mourn too much. Don't get me wrong, if you need to cry it out, cry it out, but do not let yourself stay there because its easier than moving forward.

Disappointment in and of itself does not have to be the be all end all. It's harder said than done in practice, but practice is what helps you get from the cycle to more emotional stability and self-satisfaction.

The only way I've found to manage it is to accept that disappointment can sometimes present itself as a necessary motivator. It doesn't always have to be something that looms over you. You can rewrite how you perceive it to make it the fuel to keep moving forward, instead of it constantly making you stagnant.

I do this by first, calming down enough to be able to look at the situation with more eyes than just my own. I look at the emotions of myself and any of the other people involved. There will always be times in life where you feel as though you've disappointed someone you care about. But if you address the situation with the attitude of making something from it, both you and the other party automatically have a better outlook and are typically able to move forward quicker.

The first few times you try to restructure the way you're feeling can be daunting. But it's important to know that you are in control - you have the ability to change the way you feel for the positive. It's not instant gratification but as you get better, you'll feel more and more motivated to continue.

I can attest to the freedom and positivity you feel when escaping the cycle. You don't realize the emotional energy you're expending on going through the negative emotions day in and day out until you stop. It's a weight off your shoulders and your mind. Some of the background buzzing dulls and you feel clearer, sharper, and more in control.

I am by no means a professional, other than the fact that I have been going through these emotions for many years. These practices and views come from a long time of struggling to figure these things out on my own. Everyone has their own way of dealing with the challenges that are before them, but I think it's important to share your insights. Even if it only helps one person, it's still progress in the right direction.