Finding Someone to Love Me and My Schizophrenia

In my youth I always knew that some day I would want to find my prince charming, marry, and raise a family. The older I got the more I realized how important it was for me to be absolutely sure I was ready to settle down before I committed to marriage. There were boyfriends that were simply not husband material, and were kept around for the sake of having company. I only dated to have a bestie who was always down to do things and hangout. None of them did I even consider marrying or raising a family with.

By the time I wanted to find Mr. Right and start a family I found myself suffering from hallucinations, both auditory and visual hallucinations. This brought my dating life to a screeching halt. It also brought up many challenges. Not only was I not able to pursue a love life, I found I was not able to work, do daily tasks, or even take care of myself. Completing even the most minor functions took concentration that I could no longer gather.

Being a single mom at the time this was especially scary. There were no family or friends in my town to take care of my daughter while I sought professional care. Luckily, through the haze of voices in my head I was able to call my father, who was able to fly across country with in the following week to give my daughter and I the help we so desperately needed. My daughter and I moved in with him, and he helped me find a psychologist that could provide treatment for psychosis.

Fast forward to three years later, if I don't have my medication I suffer from hallucinations still. Because my psychosis turned out to be a long term condition it is considered to be schizophrenia. The diagnosis of schizophrenia scared me. How would I deal with having psychosis for the rest of my life? How would it affect my relationships with my family and friends? Would I ever find a good man that was willing to stick by my side while we fight this life-long battle against schizophrenia?

Being diagnosed with schizophrenia was discouraging, but I was determined to build a happy family with the man of my dreams. finding "the man of my dreams" was going to be difficult with or without the diagnosis. however, it wasn't impossible. I was certain of that.

I came up with the courage to start dating again, and decided to wait to tell the first man I dated about my diagnosis of schizophrenia. After it looked like a relationship was going to blossom I dropped the bomb. He insisted I was lying, and it wasn't until I had my first hallucination in from of him that he accepted it as truth. His response was to leave immediately. If my memory serves me right, he texted me from the road to apologize for leaving so abruptly, then mumbled something about how he "just can't." I didn't expect to hear from him after that, and I didn't.

After that it seemed that it was best for me to be up front with everyone I dated about my mental illness. Some decided to see where our dating would lead, and others opted out of dating me right away. Either way I was always glad about my decision to tell people I dated about my psychosis right away. It kept both parties from wasting precious time, and it kept me from feeling like I was keeping secrets. I wanted a healthy honest relationship, so I had to be honest about my mental illness.

After a few failed attempts to find someone to build a relationship with I turned to Tinder, yes Tinder. I know, I know, Tinder isn't exactly the dating service you think of when looking for a meaningful relationship. I figured my chances at finding the right man would increase if I increased the number of men I talked to. It worked. The time dedicated to filtering through all those just looking for a hook up, and those who weren't looking for what I was looking for was worth it ion the end. I found the man of my dreams, who not only accepts me, but loves me unconditionally. He is a great dad to my daughter, a great best friend, and lover. We plan to marry sometime in the near future.

I found that the type of man that would fight schizophrenia by my side was the exact type of man I would want to marry. A good man. Because of this I often feel thankful on some level for schizophrenia. I fear I may of settled for less of a man if it wasn't for the challenge of finding someone to see past my schizophrenia. What dating advice would I give to anybody and everybody? Be honest and up front about your flaws. The person that loves you despite your imperfections is the right person to be with.