Foolproof Guide to Break the Cycle of Abuse

Have you ever felt like you don't recognize the person you've become? Or trapped in a situation, circumstance, or relationship?

This thought process of feeling trapped in doing what you think you need to do just to sustain life was shaped by a past experience, person, place, or thing.

When we chose to ignore our past, we often don't remember what took place until we are triggered into thinking about it.

There are some things that can trigger our emotions and feelings. Divorces, depression, and suicide all increase during the holidays. Which is really in essence geared towards happy times. But why is this?

For some, it takes them back to a sunken place where they'd rather not remember any past hurt.

It isn't until you deal with your past, and set a course for your future that you will most likely not be able to grow and move forward in your life.

Your life will seemingly stay stagnant, and you will never ever break the cycle by continuing to do this.

You must be willing to succumb to your fear and self sabotaging ways, and know that you are completely sure and ready to dive into the past in order to fix the present, and eventually enhance the future.

All of us have gone through a time in our life, whether you know it or not where we felt victimized by a certain person, place, or thing.

We learn behavior by whichever authority figure raised us, and they in turn learn it from their parents, and so on. Just the same way our children will learn from us.

It's time to figure out how and when your cycle started in order to begin to pull back the layers needed for effective healing.

How Torturing Yourself Is Working Against You

In order to solve any problem or break any cycle you have to know where and when it started. When did the behavior that you display in your adult life actually begin?

Furthermore, it is most effective to acknowledge that it existed, or it will exist in your mind and thoughts every single day.

Then we wonder why we get into numerous relationships with narcissists who appear to be so evil and manipulative. It's so easy for us to get tortured by them when we have been so used to torturing ourselves.

Why do we stay so long in abusive relationships?

When you don't see that you torture yourself, it's hard to see or recognize that someone else is doing the exact same thing to you that you do to yourself on a daily basis!

They are attracted to you by whatever energy you yourself give off. So they are there to act as a mirror to your. You are each other's inner reflection.

As we begin to look at our relationships as mirrors we start to see that what we don't like of someone else is directly correlating to what it is that we don't like in ourselves.

What you see in them, exists in yourself. The only difference is that they are upfront with their expression of self, while you on the other hand have learned to hide your true self's thoughts and feelings underneath a mask.

So we feel that we aren't as bad as the narcissist. Truth is your just better at hiding the truth from reality, and when you're comfortable playing that role it makes it even harder for your to accept that you've been doing this to yourself.

The Cycle of Abuse

Scars Obtained Through Past Experiences

• anger
• hatred
• self loathing
• doubt
• fear
• rebellion
• abandonment
• low self worth
• low self esteem
• mental illness

An Ongoing Inner Battle of You vs You

Not everyone lives a cookie cutter life with a golden spoon. There are tons of people with broken souls that were inflicted with pain.

Some had to be the parent to their parents, because they had an alcohol or drug addiction, leaving them to fend for themselves as children.

Others may have fought to be seen, or to have some kind of connection or bond that they never received.

These circumstances are what leads to individuals shutting down and closing off emotions, becoming cold and standoffish as adolescents, and taking it well into adulthood.

This leads you to put up walls to protect yourself from feeling. After what you been through, you decided you would block anyone else who makes you "feel" again, so you don't go through what you went through previously.

Such behavior is only a coping mechanism, which allows you to further experience the hurt and stay stuck in an emotion that plays out in your life as long you give life to it by keeping it "alive" within.

It's imperative to realize that burying things won't make them disappear. Every time you're put in a situation to utilize the pain you don't want to feel, you are forced to bring it to the surface level.

This is why we encounter certain people in our lives. They are there to help you along your journey. The longer you fight this reality, the longer it will take you to heal the very thing that you've pretended doesn't exist all along!

Acknowledgement is the first step to change.

One of thee hardest things to do is to change ourselves. Part of this is due to the simple fact that we, as a whole, feel far faster than we use our brain to decipher and think.

A key component to change is acknowledging the act that was done and where it came from.

Next, figure out, who or what person, place or thing put this belief in your mind.

The last most vital step is acceptance. Accepting what role we play is a tremendous turning point that brings much needed healing for the process in creating a new life and new thoughts, feelings and actions for yourself.

Our parental guidance is the root of character amongst other influences one has in their childhood upbringing.

It is during our younger years that many behaviors get learned over an extended period of time.

We often recreate what we saw play out in front of us for years on end.

As a result, most suffer from some form of addiction (sex, drugs, money, alcohol, shopping, control, judgement) to cope with the abuse endured.

It gives an outlet where one can close off their minds from reliving through thinking or feeling about any such past thoughts that will spark any type of previously encountered pain.

The hurt, younger version of yourself displays that pain to your children, because you haven't healed it yet. It showcases that your development has much to do with an unhealed incident that you haven't faced. Which in turn will get played out by your children when they grow up.

Healing Exercise

In order to understand the end, we must explore the beginning!

When we understand that behavior is something that is learned, we can then start to pinpoint who or what source did the teaching.

"You can't heal what you're scared to reveal!"

Facing our past with honesty and courage is a surefire way to get the breakthrough you want, and more importantly need.

Take a minute to think of a painful memory from your childhood. Acknowledge the emotions that come with it.

Don't dismiss it or run away from it. The very thing that comes to the surface from being buried for so long is what's exactly needed for your healing to process to begin.

Allow it to be without any restrictions or fear. You will only be your greatest self when all the parts are working uniformly as a "whole"!

Think about how this had affected you and your relationships with those you associate with (children, family, spouse, friends).

If one consensually refuses to see the connection of how the past dictates their future, the cycle remains unbroken, and serves to exist even longer!

However, it's best to remember that every scar heals with time.

One Step at a Time

It's important to note that who we grow into was shaped by all of our experiences. We are not those things.

If your caretaker was a certain way, and you become the same way with your children it's because you learned that behavior and reciprocate it in your own life with your loved ones.

When we internalize problems, we attract someone who also has inner demons, and they bring out the worst in you in order to help you heal.

But those of you who get away, see the bad stuff that transpired as negative. When really they helped you to release that which you kept hidden, and would have never dealt with had it been for that encounter with that person, relationship, or circumstance.

So you see, there is a positive side to everyone you meet, and for the different levels of growth that you may need on your journey.

And when you can start to see the beautiful ways that life has always been working in your favor to create the strong person you are today, you'll learn to rejoice in the past that you've endured, because it made you who you are!

When we're overprotective of our children, realize that it's connected to your past, and not getting the love or attention that you may have wanted, and this may come off as being smothering.

You shouldn't try to erase your past, the objective is to heal from the occurrences, and move forward and free yourself of the deadweight on your shoulders.

Once you've identified the past and come to terms with it, you have the knowledge to rectify it, and take your power back from any person, place, or thing.

You can now begin anew, and be able to create your tomorrow and bask in all the joy that you deserve.

If you stay with the process, you'll be further along your path on your journey to self love and acceptance.