Free Falling

What does someone's mind think when they hear the phrase, "free falling?" Maybe the mind will think of risking it all for one thing, free falling into that dark abyss we, as humans, like to call love, or what our minds believe is love. This story isn't about love, though, it's about free falling from hopelessness to something better, something worth living for, happiness.

One often hears that happiness feels like sitting in the sun after a long winter, happiness feels like a warm, fuzzy sweater, happiness is a cup of hot tea on a rainy day, whatever your definition of happiness is, hold on to that. Hold on to that because you can never know when you are going to need it most.

I woke up in a daze, not sure what day it was, what time it was, my head was pounding and my stomach was an ocean of nauseousness, and the waves were rough. I sat up slowly, watching as my vision went from a vibrated mess to a blurry one. I felt around for my glasses, hoping I hadn't rolled over on them, when my fingers brushed up against the cool glass of my lens, a sigh of relief swept through my body.

I let out a groan as I slowly made my way to my feet, my body swayed and buckled beneath me, my knees hit the ground and I held my head in my hands. My body was screaming at me to get up, get to the bathroom because I knew all the pills I took last night were fighting their way up my throat.

I tried to stand but was back on my knees within ten seconds, I crawled to my door, reached up and opened the door. The hallway was dark, I heard the fans in my parents' room still on, everyone is still asleep. If I had to guess, I would say it's around 2 am. On my hands and knees, I crawled as quickly as I could to the bathroom. I barely made it to the toilet before my body caved in and everything came up, regardless of my fighting it.

It hurt, it hurt a lot, but this is what I get. It was over just as fast as it started, my entire body ached. I laid down on the bathroom floor for several minutes while I regained control of myself. I slowly got to my feet and went to the sink. I splashed some cold water on my face and looked in the mirror.

The person staring back at me, I didn't recognize as myself. The face staring back at me was pale, with bloodshot eyes and a sad smile. Those eyes I was looking at held so much pain, but they refused to cry anymore, they couldn't cry anymore. I couldn't stand to look at myself anymore so I left and went back into my room.

I searched in the dark for my phone, when I found it the time read 2:15 am, looks like I was right. I checked to see if anyone has texted me, I had turned my phone off, couldn't deal with him anymore. I found four missed calls and twenty text messages, all from different people, but none from him. I am just learning the hard way I suppose, I let it go and got back into bed.

I was freezing, like always, and the piles of blankets I had didn't help. later that day I woke up to a rainy day, a sense of calm ran through me. I had no clue when I had fallen asleep again. I made my way downstairs, no one was home, I remember mom saying something about going to see a movie.

It was almost one in the afternoon, I made some tea, I took a sip and let the hot liquid fill me, warming me up. I went back to my room and found the book I had been reading, grabbed a blanket and made my way out front.

I sat down on the steps, I was protected from the rain. It was warm out, and it smelled like spring, my favorite thing to smell when my mood is low. I took another sip of my tea and began reading. I got lost inside my book, letting myself drift from one reality to the next. Page after page, chapter after chapter, my mood lifted and my tea only made it better.